In This Economy?

She’s like the Goldilocks of Twitter. Or something.

This chick, Terri Carlson, will marry you on one condition: you have badass health care benefits. That’s right – if you have a job that provides you with stellar benefits, she could be your loving (ok, maybe not loving) bride.

And now for some “why hadn’t they thought of this before now?” news…

please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax please be a hoax…

Look out for damp, hooded strangers, y’all.

Beware the evil, mindless, zombie McAssholes. They’re everywhere.

This article is going to make you want to start fishing for tuna.

I’m always wanted to use the word “ballsy” in a headline. Mission accomplished.

A dude in Colorado hated his job so much that he stabbed himself in the leg just to get out of going to work. Wow.

Selling my yachts (plural) will be so easy now!