In This Economy?

NOTE: The following article comes from ITE guestblogger SugarTits.

Shit’s bad. And we know it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That’s great and all, but I want new shit. Shiny shit. Sparkly shit.

We may be scraping pennies together to buy a McDonald’s Value Meal, but this is America, god damn it. Where consumerism is next to godliness. Where jackasses (like me and most of the other ITE? writers) make their livings (in the most loose sense of the term) in marketing by creating ads telling us to buy more crap. Yeah, you’re welcome.

You’d think, that by sitting behind a computer every day helping to create these ads, I’d be less susceptible to shitty commercials. Oh, but no. I’m a sucker for a good lip gloss commercial. It’s safe to say that I own enough lip gloss to supply a tranny army.  So, yes, commercials work. And they make me want things.

So what do I want this week?

Snazzy Napper

Because nothing says self respect and refined class like a face blanket adorned with a sheep.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but public napping isn’t necessarily something you want to call attention to. Plane napping is one thing, but if you’re hanging out in Grand Central, it may not behoove you to wear a “I’m napping” billboard on your face. “I’m passed out and my face is covered. Please come fuck with me. Take my purse and my laptop. Really, it’s fine. I’m napping snugly under this bizarro starry burka. So I’m totally cool with it.”

If you ever see someong hanging out on the train in the large, starry Snazzy Napper, be careful. I foresee a breakout of public mastrubation ‘neath the cover of an innocient Snazzy Napper. Seriously.

One of my favorite things is at about 0:25 in.  This poor actress is demonstrating this POS on a garage sale sofa in front of a large window (my guess is in some sleazy office park in Scranton, PA).  She lifs it up to the window, and BAM. This bitch is see-through. It’s not so comfy is it? Nope — it looks to be tissue thin.

And let’s not get started on the insane industrial chemicals you’d be breathing in with that polyurethane blanket all up in your nose face.

But hey, maybe the tissue thin plastic fabric smell would be a welcome change from that all-too-familiar airplane fart/BO/indian food smell.

So, ITE friends, please send me one large, stary Snazzy Napper c/o ITE headquarters.

I’ve got some napping (and public masturbating) to do.

[SugarTits lives in Dallas and is a bit crass.]

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Previously on “I want that!”

• Seat Solution
• FUSHIGI
• Cami Secret

Tags: guestblog, guestblogger, Snazzy Napper, SugarTits

This entry was posted on Friday, August 27th, 2010 at 9:14 AM and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.