Rick Perry is a ridiculous douchebag
Posted by drocolate on May 17th, 2010
Normally here at ITE, I let breadwinner handle all things Rick Perry (or as she calls him — Dick Fairy), but she is unavailable today and this news needs to be reported, so I’m going to try my best.
I think I was overcompensating in that headline… but whatever.
So why am I talking about Rick so urgently today? Why is he a ridiculous douchebag now? Well, two things actually. One of them is pretty new and the other is from a couple weeks ago. Let’s start with the newer one.
1. Rick spent $600k of Texas’ money so he could live large
Ricky P. has been living in a rental property in the hills above the capital for two years now and the people of Texas have been footing the bill. This wouldn’t be an issue if we were talking about some reasonably-sized/priced apartment. Hell, maybe even a small house. You know something with plenty of room for his guns family. Unfortunately the rental property in question is a sprawling house mansion thing that costs around $10,000 a month in rent and utilities. This crazy house even has three different dining rooms, which just seems totally unnecessary to me. Who could ever use that many dining rooms? Who is that hungry?
So $10k per month for two years. Yeah, that’s a chunk of change. But that’s not all! He also took $130,000 of campaign donations and spent that on various parties he threw at the house (which explains the dining rooms… kind of) and his cable TV bill.
Yeah. He spent campaign funds on his fucking cable bill.
But once again, that’s not all!
The report goes into an amazing amount of detail about what exactly this pompous, good hair-having asshole was spending Texas’ money on. Here’s a few more choice nuggets:
- $1,000 for an “emergency” repair to his ice machine (It’s hot in Texas!)
- $8,400 for maintenance on his heated pool (It’s hot in Texas! Wait, what?)
- $44,000 for lawn care and maintenance (WTF?)
I’m hopeful that that last one is just a kid with a push mower. Now in Ricardo’s defense, the Texas governor’s mansion is currently being renovated, so he can’t live there but he doesn’t have to live in this money pit either.
And why is any of this coming out now? Why is a measly little $600k in mismanaged political moneys being brought up now?
Because Texas is currently facing a budget shortfall of around $11 billion. Yes, billion. So every $600k spent on gaudy mansions counts. And every few hundred spent on a fucking cable bill counts even more. I just really hope Ricky wasn’t charging all the Texans for HBO because that shit is expensive.
So yeah, Rick Perry continues to suck.
Oh, but before I finish up I have one more Perry item to report. This one is waaaay awesomer.
2. Rick carries guns and kills things while jogging
I saw this story a while back and fought my initial intention to report it here. Looking back that was a huge mistake because the whole thing is completely insane.
A while back, while Rick was out jogging with his dog he encountered a coyote. From there he did what any gun loving, Texas governor would do and shot the coyote. Real hard. Honestly his quotes tell the story:
“Don’t attack my dog or you might get shot … if you’re a coyote…”
I love that he added the “if you’re a coyote” on the end. Thanks for clearing the air on that.
“I knew there were a lot of predators out there. You’ll hear a pack of coyotes. People are losing small cats and dogs all the time out there in that community…”
The article doesn’t discuss where exactly Perry was but I have to assume he was on the sprawling grounds of his mansion (remember that $44,000 in lawn maintenance?), which just pisses me off that much more. Texans are paying hundreds of thousands so that Rick can live in some sort of coyote-spawning Hellscape. What a waste of money.
“They’re very wily creatures.”
Yes. And roadrunners say “meep meep” a lot. Ass.
“I holler and the coyote stopped. I holler again. By this time I had taken my weapon out and charged it. It is now staring dead at me. Either me or the dog are in imminent danger. I did the appropriate thing and sent it to where coyotes go…”
Uhhhh… where do coyotes go? Hell? And why are you charging the coyote? Oh yeah, because you have a gun. A giant gun. I guess this is a good time to point out that Rick had a laser sight on the gun he was carrying. Oh and it was loaded with hollow-point bullets. Yeah. And this is just his jogging gun.
“He became mulch.”
Rick Perry = charmer.
–
So there you have it. The story of how the Texas governor wasted tax-payer money and saved his dog, all in the span of about a month.
What a ridiculous douchebag.
Tags: fucking charlatans, rick perry, texas
By “coyote” he meant “retarded and/or wrongly convicted death row inmate.”
Did the coyote have ACME Roller-Blades-with-Rocket on? Oh Rick…
I’m sure he would have dropped an anvil on the coyote if he wouldn’t have had his gun.
But he ALWAYS has his gun.
Insane? Probably.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4tWZNxnABk
[...] I did”. It’s like Tiger Woods speaking at a fidelity conference (is that a thing?) or Rick Perry speaking at a group meeting of the People Who Are Not Douchebags Association (PWANDA). It just [...]
If only I could Like Like Like Like Like Like a post. Nice work. Perry obviously thinks he’s a Real American Hero, just like G.I. Joe, except that Dick Fairy deserves to live in a castle overlooking all of his constituents. Joe should kick his ass.
[...] of Texans, let me say that I really do love Texas. Despite the fact that I’m constantly shitting on the governor (but not on his hair… it’s so perfect) and poking fun at the state, I only do it [...]
No ceilings!
I agree Perry is a total douche – the corruption and mismanagement of funds is a killer issue. But shooting a coyote, with a laser-sighted pistol and hollow-point bullets, while walking your dog, is totally awesome and I almost wanted to vote for him because of it.
He charged his weapon, you idiot, not the coyote. It’s the more appropriate term for what the laity call “loading”.
You are the douchebag! My question is why doesn’t he take along at least 3 guns while running? I would if I had to deal with idiots like you following me around and JUDGIN’ me all the time. It’s Texas! We like our guns….and our big houses. I grew up in a small (5000 sq. ft.) farm house. Barely enough room for my gun collection. Find something worthwhile to write about, please……
Ok first off he is living in a house that big because he has a security detail that stays in his house. That and everything is bigger in Texas, we like it that way. Second if you ever come to Texas give me a call and I will take you to a field near my house in a neighborhood that is smack in the middle of DFW and wait for a coyote to come out. Then you go walk by with a dog and see what happens. They will attack and by they I mean several because they almost never travel alone. Third, every state is broke and guess what we still balanced our check book and came up with 1 billion left in the account for emergencies. Learn and study before you post something because otherwise you are just another useless blogger trying to draw attention because you hate Texas and Texans.
Just a Bush number two!!!!!!!!
War,Gun same old shit
WTF? I can’t believe that Idiot America is already lamenting the loss of that last A-Hole from Texas! GOP, read my lips, NO NEW TEXANS!
As a Texan, Dick Fairy is a misogynistic asshole. So his actions are justifiable because of the cliche “Everything is bigger in Texas”? That doesn’t make sense. While I disagree with the writer’s views on gun control, I think everyone here should be PISSED about him wasting our tax dollars on an “ice machine emergency”.
Rick Perry is not a worthwhile candidate for President for reasons not related to RKBA. But what’s funny about his page is what a liberal tools you and your audience are. He was carrying a Ruger LCP .380, an appropriate defense gun. The proper response for a free citizen when they are jogging out somewhere and they or their domestic animal are threatened by a wild animal is to defend him or herself. Go down to Starbucks or wherever you go and buy yourself a clue.
Hahaha! This guy’s gonna be our next president!! Hell yeah!