In This Economy?

Pictured: not my iPad

Unless you’ve been living under a really big and heavy rock, you know that here at ITE we love free shit. Love love love it. Want to hold free shit in our arms and love it tenderly until we cannot love it any more. That’s why I’m proud to announce that yesterday I really put the “winner” in breadwinner and fucking WON an iPad. No lie.

How did this happen, you ask? I entered a contest on Twitter. Simple as that. I just typed up a concise argument as to why I thought I deserved to win. Then the folks at ISpotaStory.com picked my reason, and they’re shipping my FREE iPad to me ASAP. So speaking of love, give them some because they sure as hell gave me some.

I hope to post a unique ITE-style review of the iPad from my new iPad within days. So look out for that, folks.

But in the meantime, all this iPad frenzy on the Twitter and the news and the Internet and the lines outside of Apple stores all over has gotten me thinking: what types of apps will appeal to ME when I get MY new iPad!? I’m not really sure what they have out there, and instead of researching real apps, I decided to come up with a few of my own. Now, if any of you nerd-sexy developers out there want to chat about making these brilliant idea-babies a reality, please feel free to contact me.

I also may have come up with most of these at 3:37 am last night. Apologies.

5 Fictional FREE Apps For The iPad!

#1: iSofa

It's pronounced "ICK-yeah"

This FREE app would be created by IKEA and lets you design your own sofa right on your iPad. Sounds pretty lame right? Not lame! You can sit down right on your newly created couch and photocopy your ass. Now that’s sexy. Moving on…

#2: iWait

Pictured: NERDS!

The iPad is all about making waiting fun, right? Waiting for a train, waiting at the airport, waiting in line to buy another Apple product — they’re all pretty boring without an iPad/iPod Touch/iPhone to keep you distracted, right? Well this FREE app is all about waiting. Take a look at its beautifully distracting swirl of colors and you won’t even notice the time passing you by. Oh wait, that’s just the infamous Apple Spinning Pinwheel of Death. Never mind.

NEXT.

#3: iRage

Pictured: NOT breadwinner

Road Rage is a growing problem these days. Ever wish to tell the driver in the next lane exactly where he can put his left turn signal? Just let iRage tell him for you! Keep your iRage app open in the passenger seat and simply tap the reason for your current rage. Instantly, iRage will summon an appropriate rant for your new friend in the vehicle next door. It’s like “You Park Like An Asshole” only more … dangerous.

#4: iSpy

"I spy a hobo!"

Speaking of fun with the iPad in a moving vehicle, your kids will LOVE the FREE iSpy app. Let’s face it: the world outside your car is a scary place. The traditional game of I Spy has become full of yellow bum vomit and silver whores’ nipple rings. The iSpy app brings that game into a safer space: the virtual world inside your iPad. Now your kids can spy a bevy of family-safe, politically correct images rather than those from a dangerous reality. Save reality for college, folks.

#5: iPee II

Pictured: The Original iPee for the iPhone

Now I know there are a shitton of bad iPad jokes floating around, like how “iPad” is really a name more suitable for an adult diaper, or how the iPad is just a glorified toy for you to use while taking a shit, but this update to another FREE fictional iPhone app is totally legit. The new and improved version of the app adds a variety of things relating to pee, in a similar fashion to how this blog is about a variety of things “relating” to the “economy”. It’s usually a stretch. You might want the app to create a peeing sound that runs in the background while you’re sitting in a public restroom, for example, so the adjacent guest won’t assume you’re going number two. Or you may us it to find the closest restroom to your current location, including cleanliness ratings and whatnot. Or you might use it to check and see if you’re preggo. Either way, the FREE iPee app would be co-created by Clear Blue Easy and is clearly genius. You’re welcome.

All these FREE iPad apps are obviously awesome. And obviously fictional. At least for now, anyway…

Follow breadwinner on Twitter if you dare. Currently, she’s not surprisingly obsessed with the fact that she won an iPad.

Tags: apple, apps, economy, fictional, iPad, ipee, recession, top 5

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 6th, 2010 at 3:01 PM and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.