In This Economy?

In this economy there is nothing more valuable than an idea.

With that statement in mind, each month time I get around to writing one of these articles I’m going to be giving out five brand new, untapped money-making ideas that are sure to be instant goldmines. Feel free to grab them and make them your own. Just don’t forget who tipped you off in the first place.

Let’s get back into the swing of things with five (really) weird ways to make money. Yes.

5. Twurch

Religion is big business. It may sound terrible to say that, but it’s true.

Every week in every church in the world collection plates go around empty and come back full. People love to give money to their religious institutions. It helps the churches grow and it gives them a warm feeling.

So how can all of that be manipulated to make you money without having to sell your soul to the big man downstairs?

Easy. All you have to do is find an untapped market for all of this charitable religious zeal. And that untapped market is Twitter.

Seriously.

Imagine it. Church on Twitter, or simply, Twurch. Every Sunday millions log on and listen to 140 character prayers and sermons. There could be a Twible that contains tastefully shortened versions of Bible verses and Tweachers that lead smaller groups (Twongregations) along their differing spiritual paths.

And then at the end of every sermon the Tweacher can pass the collection paypal information out and watch the donations flood in. It will be beautiful!

Unfortunately though, after writing it out, I think going to Hell is a lock. So only go forward with this one if you’re cool with that.

$$$$ NEXT! $$$$

4. Soup Parties

A key for me when I’m coming up with foolproof money-making ideas is to take two things that are awesome and combine them. It’s simple science that the combination of two awesome things will yield an even awesomer sum.

And this idea is yet another example of this.

Parties are awesome. Soup is also awesome.

So why is it that I’ve never seen any soups out at any of the parties I’ve been to. Am I going to the wrong parties or is no one willing to accept the fact that soup parties are the future of good times. “Hey man, pass me a beer… and some minestrone!”

I want to see a keg of beer and a keg of soup. And I also want some crackers.

Yeah… this one is just ridiculous. I can admit that.

Let’s move on.

3. Sarah Palin’s Guide to the Word “Retarded”

So, as we all know by now, Sarah Palin is an expert on when it is ok to use the word “retarded”. She knows when it’s funny and when it’s just rude and nasty. She’s totally smart and she has a keen grasp on satire. She’s awesome.

So, my idea is to take all of her apparent knowledge on the subject and put it into a book. That way we can all learn from her and none of us will ever make a retarded stupid mistake again. The book can have pictures to make it a quicker read and it can also have an audio book component where Sarah can explore how different inflections equal different things. Like if you really put the emphasis on the “TARD” part you’re probably going to sound like a dick. That kind of thing.

And in the end this thing will sell like crazy because Sarah Palin equals sales. Hell, she even managed to bring viewers to Jay Leno’s new old new television show, which is amazing.

She’s solid gold. So let’s use her to sell some books.

Yeah.

2. ToplessTapas.net

NOT SHOWN: Topless women

Do I really need to explain the appeal of this one? Topless women eating tapas? Is there anything sexier in the world?

Yeah, I rest my case. Bring on the profits.

Oh, and just for the record, the reason it’s a .net and not a .com is that shockingly toplesstapas.com was taken. By some sort of jewelery store. So random.

1. A Giant TV on the Moon

This is the real deal.

Now I know it may seem like a huge expense to fly up to the moon and install a TV big enough to be seen from Earth… but just think about the insane amounts of advertising revenue that could be pulled in. Imagine seeing a Slap Chop infomercial in the middle of the sky on a clear night. And it can’t be turned off! It’s perfect!

But this moon TV won’t be just about advertising. It will also air reruns of classic NFL Pro Bowls, Dawson’s Creek marathons, forgotten episodes of The Magic Hour, softcore pornography and whatever else the council of Moon programming sees fit.

$$$$$$$$$$$ AAHHHHHHHHAH!

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Yeah. March was weird. Sorry.

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Need more untapped money-making ideas? Check it out:

• JANUARY ’10
• DECEMBER ’09
• NOVEMBER ’09
• AUGUST ’09
• JULY ’09
• JUNE ’09
• MAY ’09
• APRIL ’09

Tags: money, Sarah Palin, untapped money-making ideas, websites, weird

This entry was posted on Monday, March 29th, 2010 at 4:10 PM and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.