Jumping Ship: Maryland Wants Out…Of The South
Posted by breadwinner on March 19th, 2010
Pictured: Maryland's NASCAR-Pirate Flag
The grass may be greener on the other side of the country, Maryland, but don’t loosen your bolo ties or kick off your boots, spurs, southern-style bonnets and/or cowboy hats and become Yankees just yet, y’all. Oh wait — you never really had any of those southern sundries to start with, did you?
It seems middle-of-the-road, Switzerland-of-the-USA Maryland is thinking about considering taking sides. Well, changing sides anyway. According to our Friends over at the Huffington Post, the land of Mary “isn’t feeling so Southern anymore.” That sounds vaguely like an old-school feminine product commercial — just replace the chick lamenting that she doesn’t feel so fresh with a douche from MD. And just like in those classic hygiene spots, nobody really cares or wants to hear about how that chick’s nether regions are feeling. TMI, Maryland.
Pictured: Famous Marylander, Nancy Pelosi
This not-so-fresh feeling is nothing new, either. In 1994, Missouri switched from the Midwestern Region to the Southern Region. And about a year ago, my second most favoritest governor of Texas Rick “Dick Fairy” Perry decided he’d start thinking about considering the idea of secession — from the country. At least Perry had Chuck Norris and Ted Nugent behind him when he kinda sorta declared Texas’ sovereignty. Who does Maryland Have? Nancy Pelosi?! Actually she could probably kick some serious ass too. That oldie but goodie post of ours from last April sure got some southern folks all up in arms. Some even called US Yankees here at ITE! But I ain’t no Yank, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I just happen to hail from Texas, and I for one want to KEEP old MD here with us in the south, because we could use a good doc on our side. Goodness I love a bad joke.
But seriously, guys. “I just don’t think we’re as Southern as people used to think,” is a stupid reason to play a game of national switcheroo. Nobody cares what you think about what other people think about you, Maryland. I’m thinking that not a lot of folks think about you as often as you think they do. Or something. Anyway, let’s stop all the labeling, switching sides, soap boxing, punditry (whatever that is), pissing contests, infighting, cross-fighting, sword-fighting and chicken fighting and just GET TO WORK. Because this economy is in the shitter, in case you haven’t noticed.
Take sides and follow breadwinner on the Twitter if you’ve got the stones.
Tags: east, economy, maryland, MD, missouri, NASCAR, north, pirate, recession, rick perry, south, texas, west, y'all