ITE turns 1: My 10 favorite angry comments from the last year
Posted by drocolate on February 2nd, 2010
There have been a lot of stories published on ITE in the last 365 days (489 to be exact), and some of these stories have been fortunate enough to find an audience. Most of the time this audience has enjoyed what we have put out there, but sometimes we write something that rubs people the wrong way. It’s these angry readers that I’m celebrating today.
But why celebrate these angry Internet trolls?
Simple. It’s because if you can’t celebrate and see the humor in a negative comment you will never survive as a blog writer. These comments are funny and this is a humor blog, so it only makes sense to post them. The moment we start letting the random hateful voices of the Internet bother us is the day we’ll have to shut the whole thing down. The Internet is the wild west. Truly. There is nothing you can do to muzzle it so why try.
And with that in mind, I need to do something I rarely do and warn all of you about the language you’re about to encounter in this post. It’s harsh. And VERY offensive. And disturbing. And really, really funny in sort of an awkward, “I can’t believe people like this actually exist” way.
Proceed with caution and don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Alright let’s get to it:
10. Peggy
From Texas Gov. Rick Perry “Wakes Up” D.C., Declares Sovereignty
“I am waiting for Louisiana to succeed also!!! I would be proud to have this man as my governor or President!! Texans should be proud!!!!”
I really love this one because of the whole succeed/secede spelling error. It’s inadvertent comedy gold.
9. Tamara Lowe
From Preview: Get Motivated! (San Antonio seminar)
“You’re funny! Well, enjoy the seminar! If you’d like a nicer seat, please come see me! We’re delighted to have you attend. Just gotta say you sound a little (just a teeny tad bit) biased, but I’m sure you’ll find plenty to love at the event. Keep an open mind, dear SurlyZ! When we shut down someone cuz their politics or opinions or religion or gender or race are not identical to our own, we miss the gifts they have for us. Why not look for the positive takeaways? Just a thought. I’m just sayin… it’d make a mighty nice Kwanza gift!”
Tamara Lowe is the founder of the well-publicized “Get Motivated” lecture series that toured around the south touting speakers like George W. Bush, Colin Powell and Terry Bradshaw (huh?). She makes this list because she’s the closest thing to a celebrity that has commented.* And the fact that she was commenting on a post where SurlyZ was shitting on her end product only added to the fun.
*Yes, I am totally aware that you can enter any name you want in the name field in our comments section, so there is no real proof that Mrs. Lowe actually commented… but I’m going to assume she did… because that’s awesome.
8. CREED
From WASTE OF MONEY: Creed’s New Album
NOTE: This one is actually three comments that I’m combining into one. They really tell a story, and to break them up just wouldn’t be fair to the author.
“whoever wrote this shit about CREED is probably a bedwetting,limp-biscuit homo who misses freds dick in his ass,mouth,ear whatever…he’ll do anything to get a mouthfull of a stupid,talentless dick like fred in his bed,…you homo’s stick to biscuit,leave the serious,adult rock to us…and FUCK YOU AND FRED!!!!!!!!!!”
“FRED DURST IS A CRYING,FAG,HOMO WHO CANT GET ANY PUSSY,DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE HAS A SMALL NUMBER OF PPL WHO ACTUALLY THINK THIS LOSING WIGGER HAS EVEN A THIMBLE-FULL WORTH OF TALENT,HE PROBABLY HAS TRUBS GETTING LAID BACKSTAGE,HA-HAAAA,NO WONDER HE PUTS DOWN ON REAL ROCK-STARS…..HA-HAA-HA”
“AND I HEARD THE GUY IS REALLY GAY,HE’S A REGULAR AT MOST OF SAN-FRANCISCO’S LATE-NIGHT HOMO-RAMA CLUBS,EXCEPT HE WEARS SEMI-DISGUISES SO PPL DONT RECOGNISE HIM…BUT ITS TRUE,MY COUSIN IS ALSO A FAG IN FRISCO, HE SAYS FRED IS A REGULAR AT THE MOST “TRENDY” QUEER CLUBS IN ‘FRISCO….MIGHT WE NEXT CATCH HIM ON “QUEER EYE”????? HEY FRED,I GOT A MICROPHONE FOR YA TO SING INTO!!”
The guy who wrote these comments wins the crazy award for me. Yes it’s hateful and yes it’s brutally homophobic (which was an unsurprising yet disheartening theme in most of the angry comments from Creed fans), but it’s also kind of awesome in a “Whoa this dude is insane” kind of way. I love how it starts off as a snipe at me and then segues into an all-caps attack on Fred Durst and the gay clubs he supposedly likes to frequent in San Francisco. It’s just so crazy. In every way.
7. Ken Ham
From WASTE OF MONEY: Truck Nuts
“I am from allthenutz.com, you are just another loser, mind your own business. people need to have fun and forget about the economy and people like you.”
Anytime someone tries to stand up for the truck nuts industry and say that it’s a way for people to take their minds off of the poor economy, well, that’s just hilarious. And I have to say, if you’re looking for respect NEVER start a sentence with “I am from allthenutz.com.” It just doesn’t sound impressive.
6. nanrose
From God, Guns, Guts and American Pick-up Trucks: The Genius of Mark Muller
“I think Max Motors has an awesome idea! If I needed an new truck now I would definately fly down and buy one just to get an AK47. I for one believe that the direction our “political” leaders are taking our nation we will need all the self help we can get as far as protecting home and family from less desirables. As a mother I wouldn’t think twice about using my 2nd amendment rights and lethal force to protect my family from some asshole who thinks he has the right to take something of mine just because his welfare check isn’t enough to buy his beer, dope and a nice home as he bounces around in his getto car.
Please have your gay gest friend add Alaska to his list of places NOT to visit, we really don’t like his kind here either. We only appreciate real men. I love the fact that here I can strap my .454 to my side and go to the grocery store — just because I want to.
Also, please stay in California, with your warped Hollywood sense of what is right.”
This is the single most ignorant-sounding comment we got this year (in my opinion). And honestly, the reason why it rises above all the dozens of others is because it seems so real. A lot of the comments we saw on the Creed thread were so over the top that they seemed intentionally funny, but this one is just nasty.
Good ole nanrose manages to take on gays, Californians, the poor, people who drive “getto” cars and “less desirables” in the span of a couple hundred words, and she does it all through a calm and relatively typo-free comment.
It’s chilling that there are actually people out there like this. Bleh.
That one wasn’t really funny so I’m going to make it up to you all with this next one…
5. Rebecca
From WASTE OF MONEY: Truck Nuts
“I love slim, trim men who hang Bulls Balls on their trucks. (I dislike fat men)I am looking for a new man now that my children have grown up. Love Becky”
This one isn’t really an angry comment, but it’s still amazing.
There’s not really a lot I can say. It’s all right there. Well said, Rebecca. Well said.
4. PACOLIXUS
From WASTE OF MONEY: Creed’s New Album
“Tell Me U Adree To Come And Kill You”
My very first death threat! YEAH! I personally don’t believe that you can say you’ve made it as a blogger until someone has threatened to come to your “adree” and kill you. This was a big moment for me and for ITE as a whole. Thank you PACOLIXUS. Thank you from the bottom of my Creed hating heart.
3. ranger
From Texas Gov. Rick Perry “Wakes Up” D.C., Declares Sovereignty
“well, in all of this bickering back and forth, Texas is tried of the gov. b.s. we dont need the us gov., they need us !!!! we have resorce’s no one else has gas, water, food, nat. gas that the north needs, I took a pole from Texasan’s around my area, for about three month’s was hard getting the nerve to ask people, but got easy when they commented , seams the people down here are ready to fight for there state, unlike other state’s and are sick of the us gov.
make’s me wonder why no one goe’s out and ask the people what they think ????????? all I can say is God help us all, we are one big snow~ ball headed to hell!!!!!!!!!
The real problem is not the people of the u.s., its the people running it. guess we will ever know what happed to WE the people for the people. were all in this mess together,………”
Texasan? Huh?
Yeah, I rest my case on this one.
2. Daniel
From WASTE OF MONEY: Creed’s New Album
“For a Start Creed arre legends and people like you who sit in there fat asses should take a step back and FUCK YOUR OWN FACES!!
At least they are doing something with there life and making money, you guys are probably wasting money fucking blow up toys and wasting time making fake videos, Geez your just jealous.
You should go turn up ur ABBA or something coz this is one of the most legendary bands”
This is the final Creed fan that made the list, but as you can see they are a special breed. This guy finishes off at the top of the Creed group because of the statement, “take a step back and FUCK YOUR OWN FACES!!” That phrase really stuck in my mind, and it became my go-to example when people would ask me about all the angry Creed comments I was getting.
Plus he mentions Abba, which is SUPER random and awesome.
1. Ron Jermey
From WASTE OF MONEY: The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
“It puts the lotion on it’s skin! You have fucked your hand so many times that it has your hand prints on your dick. So you are so Jealous you have this retarded website that I accidentally clicked on. I might as well watch to faggots tossing each others salad and sucking the turds out of each others ass to see someone suck as bad as you. Face it man you will always be alone! Do society a favor get a big dildo lube it up, sprinkle some sand on it so you can feel it and shove it up your ass until your colon hemorages and you die like the loser gay fuck you are! but before you do this dip your nuts in milk and find some kittens to lick them, because it will remind you of all the little boys you raped!”
Yeah. Wow. The unbelievable amount of detail given in Ron Jermey’s comment here is what really catapulted him to the head of the crazy class. This guy also gets extra points for claiming that he “accidentally clicked” on our website. Yeah, sure thing pal.
–
Wow. What a crazy year.
Here’s hoping we can do it all again for the next 365.
Tags: Boondock Saints, Creed, ITE turns 1, Mark Muller, rick perry, truck nuts
wow those are something!! “creed arre legends” what a jackass…lol
What’s with all the gay bashing? Why is that the first resort when trying to express disdain for a particular post? I don’t get it.
Don’t these jerks know that those spouting all the homophobia typically are overcompensating and lashing out over their own repressed orientation? Have they not seen American Beauty!?
Man I am Loving how ranger got all antsy with the apostrophes. And, what is that? A TILDE?!? Way to throw that one in there. A worthy salute for the far-too-rarely used grapheme. The Gods of Punctuation are smiling down on you, dear ranger..
wait, ITE doesn’t support Creed?
Nope. Actually it’s the exact opposite — Creed supports ITE.
[...] all sounds so advanced. And for me, a person who has been told by an angry commenter to fuck their own face, advanced sounds like a step [...]