WASTE OF MONEY: Heidi Montag’s Face
Posted by drocolate on January 20th, 2010It’s time for another episode of Waste of Money.
Today I’m going to rant pointlessly about:
Heidi Montag’s Face
Heidi Montag is a mess.
For those of you who don’t know who Heidi Montag is, let me give you a quick refresher course.
A brief history of Heidi Montag…
First of all, let me just say that Heidi Montag is a really big star. Don’t believe me? Check out this resume:
Heidi skyrocketed to fame quickly after appearing on the MTV “reality” show The Hills. Then from there she moved on and started a music career, appeared in some other reality shows as herself (including I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here!) and appeared semi-nude in Playboy magazine. And, yeah, that’s… kind of it.
So as you can see, she is obviously a really, really, huge, giant, mega, super, enormous star.
Which is exactly why her latest move is so baffling…
The plastic surgery…
A couple days ago I was in the checkout line at the at the grocery store when I glanced up at the latest issue of People Magazine. It had a picture of a hulking, Barbie-esque creature on the cover next to the headline “ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY”. Upon closer inspection I realized that the Barbie-esque creature was Heidi Montag and that she had become ADDICTED TO PLASTIC SURGERY. Oh no!
From there, I did my journalistic duty and did some research on the subject. I set my DVR to record any shows with the words “Hollywood”, “Entertainment” and “Celebrity” in the title and strapped in for a gossip-soaked ride into tabloid trash town. When it was all over I came out with these juicy facts:
- Heidi Montag has had a shitload of work done. She’s gone head to toe with the plastic surgery and at one point, had 10 procedures done in one day. WOW!
- Heidi Montag is an idiot who can’t count. She had this to say to People in regards to her surgeries: “I’m not addicted. If I were addicted, I would have had 10 plastic surgeries.” WOW!
- She had her breasts enlarged until they were size F. She said she wanted to get them to “size H for Heidi”. In my opinion she could of stopped at size D for dumbshit. YEAH!
- She had her chin shaved down because she felt that she had a Jay Leno chin. Ouch. FUCK YOU, JAY LENO!
- She actually admitted on the TV show EXTRA that she got a lot of the surgery in direct response to things she had read on the Internet about her appearance. HUH?
And with that last fact in mind, I’ll segue into my final point. Maybe Heidi is reading this…
Why all this plastic surgery was a waste of money…
It’s simple. Heidi Montag was cute before she got all of this shit done.
She was a vacuous void of a person who had become obessesed with finding ways to keep herself relevant, but she was cute. Now she looks like something that was made in a lab. Now her looks match her non-personality… which was probably the end goal. And while the actual numbers were never revealed, I can only imagine that all of this maintanence must have cost tens, if not hundreds of thousands of dollars.
If taking a cute girl and uglying her up with cosmetic butchery isn’t a waste of money, then I don’t know what is.
And that’s all I have to say about that. If you disagree and think she looks better now, please feel free to state that in the comments. We can argue the merits of F breasts. It’ll be riveting stuff.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to scrub all this gossip off my skin. I feel disgusting.
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Previously on Waste of Money:
- YuleCon 2009 and Other Anime/Manga Conventions
- The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day
- Halloween Costumes That Accentuate Your Penis
- LivePrayer.com Birther Contributions
- Personal Urns from Cremation Solutions
- Axe Body Spray
- Olive Garden
- Creed Concert Tickets
- Harem Pants
- X-Men Origins: Wolverine
- Creed’s New Album
- Rollerblades
- The Beatles Remastered Catalog
- George W. Bush Commemorative Merchandise
- Fast & Furious
- Snugglette
- Truck Nuts
Tags: Heidi Montag, idiots, plastic surgery, waste of money
I disagree entirely. She was never cute in the first place.
I had Fs by the time I was 13 years old… They fucking sucked. As soon as I turned 18, I had those bitches chopped down to a D. Heidi is crazy. Maybe all the anesthesia has gone to her head.
She may have been partially lobotomized during the surgeries.
Ha! Procedure #11: Heidi’s partial lobotomy
Procedure #12: Removal of Spencer’s balls
Procedure #13: Re-attachment of said balls…to lining of Heidi’s Birkin bag
I’m thinking about getting a set of Ds for myself.
Here you go, rondostar: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40xVfPHRQwo
id hang some brain
[...] Heidi Montag’s Face [...]
This article sounds like it was written by an ugly chick. I personally think that Heidi looks amazingly better after all of her surgeries. However, I think the issue here should be safety and not how someone looks. Ultimately, whether its people like me that think Heidi is hot, or ugly and jealous girls that think she looked better before, I am tired of people trying to impose themselves on other people’s lives. At the end of the day you have to live with yourself and whatever standard of beauty you set for yourself. If you want to be a star in this day and age and you don’t have any talent, looks are one way to do it. As long as she isn’t risking her life, I think Heidi knows what she’s doing and everybody else better get a life. BTW, she is much hotter now than she has ever been.