ITE Holiday Gift Guide — Day 17
Posted by SurlyZ on December 17th, 2009
Merry Holidays, everyone!
It’s that time again. Time for all of us to go out there and spend our hard-earned money on unnecessary material goods for our friends and family. The holidays are here! Yes!
But, because 2009 has been extremely hard on the wallet, you can’t just throw your money around on a whim. You need to be sure that you’re getting a great gift, and this is where ITE comes in.
Each day, for the next 24 days, we will be giving you guys some gift-giving advice. We’re going to break every day into three categories: The Good, The Bad and The Completely Bizarre. I think it’s pretty self-explanatory from there.
This season is nothing if not romantic. But because one of the major holidays — I won’t say which one — revolves around childbirth, the last thing anyone wants to think about is sex. So today, we’re profiling gifts meant to help you jingle your bells. Stuff your goose. Top your tree with an angel? Er, sex toys.
WARNING: LINKS AND IMAGES IN THIS POST MAY NOT BE WORKPLACE-FRIENDLY.
DAY 17 — Sex Toys
The Good
We-Vibe II
This is something everyone can enjoy, or they wouldn’t have stuck the word “We” in the name.
How does it work? So glad you asked. Actually, I’m not. I’m blushing like an undersexed writer. So let’s just look at the description from the website.
Once the smaller G-Spot stimulator has been inserted inside the vagina, the larger “Clitoral Stimulator” pad will flex back to gently hug the clitoris and the labia will conform over and around the We-vibe. The powerful Harmonic Throbbing™ from the internal vibrator motor will directly stimulate the clitoris with the ideal climactic vibrations. The pleasure waves will provide added stimulation to the clitoris when the clitoral pad rubs against you while making love.
Here’s a video explaining how to use it. And a diagram:
Anyone else getting a little hot under the collar? I’m going to towel off while you read about the next gift item.
The Bad
Xmas Tree with XXXmas Ornaments
Though not technically a sex toy, this item is obviously intended to be fun and irreverent. Instead, the Xmas Tree with XXXmas Ornaments is tacky, unsexy and awesome. No! Not awesome. Bad. Stick to the script, SurlyZ.
Oh, who am I kidding? This is so bad it’s great. Nothing could be more inappropriate or less clever. But I demand to see one in every house this holiday season. I mean, there’s sperm on the tree, for Pete’s sake!
The Completely Bizarre
Succu Dry Fleshlight (aka Vampire Fleshlight)
We’re all familiar with the regular old, run-of-the-mill Fleshlight. But what man hasn’t fantasized about having his penis chewed off?
Well, now anyone can live out that fantasy with the new Succu Dry Sex in a Can from Fleshlight.
Inside of Succu Dry
I know, I know. You’re looking at it and thinking, “Wouldn’t it be more bitey if there were teeth on the inside?” Well, mister, Fleshlight is way ahead of you. This is as close as you can get to getting a blowjob from a garbage disposal. Oh, what joy it is to ride…
That’s all I’ve got. But these gifts ought to get you started on the right path to new holiday traditions. Sexy holiday traditions. Just as your particular deity intended.
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Check out our previous, safe-for-the-office gift ideas:
- Day 16 — Gifts for Dogs
- Day 15 — Gadgets
- Day 14 — Baby Toys
- Day 13 — Etsy Gifts
- Day 12 — Snuggie & Snuggie-related Items
- Day 11 — Billy Mays Gifts
- Day 10 — TV Shows on DVD
- Day 9 — Ed Hardy Gifts
- Day 8 — Gift Cards
- Day 7 — Video Games
- Day 6 — Cars
- Day 5 — Mustache Gifts
- Day 4 — Sarah Palin Gifts
- Day 3 — Movies on DVD
- Day 2 — Hats
- Day 1 — Music
Tags: christmas, couples, Fleshlight, Holiday Gift Gude, holidays, sex, sex toys, Succu Dry Fleshlight, We-Vibe, XXXmas tree