Top 5 untapped money-making ideas: December ‘09 edition
Posted by drocolate on December 11th, 2009In this economy there is nothing more valuable than an idea.
With that statement in mind, each month time I get around to writing one of these articles I’m going to be giving out five brand new, untapped money-making ideas that are sure to be instant goldmines. Feel free to grab them and make them your own. Just don’t forget who tipped you off in the first place.
It’s the holiday season, which means you’re probably short on funds. Lucky for you I’ve got five financial bailouts right here that are ready to be pounced on. YEAH! POUNCING!
#5: The Shower Twitter (AKA The Shitter The Twower)
Twitter is everywhere. Politicians have embraced it. The media has embraced it. Athletes have embraced it. Porn stars have embraced it. And yes, even ITE has embraced it.
All of us just want to stay connected no matter what.
And that’s exactly why taking a shower has become so difficult.
When I’m in the shower I can’t tweet my haps to my friends or snap a twitpic of my lathered-up junk for all of my tweeps. I’m totally cut off for the 7-9 minutes I’m bathing and that sucks. If only there were a product that would make it safe to tweet from the shower.
WELL GUESS WHAT ASSHOLES!?! NOW THERE IS!!!
The Shitter Twower mixes two things that you need — Twitter and the shower — into one combined experience that you’ll be tweeting about nonstop.
Check out this schematic I worked up:
Pretty revolutionary huh?
And when it’s finally done it will obviously look a lot more built in. I’m thinking that the waterproof computer may even be covered in tile to match the overall look of each person’s bathroom. And the best part is that because this product would require an installation by a team of qualified Shitter Twower techs, there would be even more money to be made in maintenance and repair costs.
I can’t wait for my first Sheet (that’s the new slang for a shower tweet), it’s going to be a really big deal.
YEAH! PROFITS!
#4: Party Rickshaws
Rickshaw rides are awesome. There’s nothing like paying a dude to pull you around in a weird little seat on wheels. You get to hear him grunt with exhaustion every time he has to get some speed going and you get to watch other people in actual cars sneer and curse at him. It’s a perfect experience. Truly.
But imagine if it were even more perfecter. Imagine, for example, if there was a keg in the back of the rickshaw with you. An ice cold beer waiting to be dispensed at your convenience.
There is no reason why the party vehicle market should be cornered by buses and barges. It’s time to open the field to other vehicles and I think rickshaws should be at the front of that conversation.
Plus, seeing that puller dude try to hustle with 100 pounds of beer in the back (in addition to my fat-from-all-the-beer ass) will just be HILARIOUS!!!
HAHAHAHAHA! MONEY!
#3: The iPhone Mouse
Let’s talk about the iPhone for a second. And let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.
What do you love about the iPhone? The apps? The convenience of having a computer in your pocket? The look of it? The status it brings with it? Sure. Those are all great answers.
Now what do you dislike about it?
For me there are two things that really rub me the wrong way about my iPhone:
- It’s a totally shit phone. It drops calls and loses reception quite often.
- It doesn’t have a mouse.
Well now, thanks to a product I’m proposing called the iPhone Mouse, one of those two things can be permanently remedied! Stop using your disgusting finger to go from app to app. Instead, just plug in your iPhone Mouse and start surfing in style.
And that’s just the beginning of the benefits of mousing out your phone.
The iPhone Mouse is optical so you can use it on petty much any surface, including yourself. So next time you’re on the subway and you want to get some work done, just use your leg or your crotch as a mouse surface and start clicking up a storm! Plus nothing adds to the elegance of an iPhone like its matching mouse.
Inquisitive person: “Hey what’s in your pocket?”
Badass iPhone owner: “Oh, that’s my iPhone.”
Inquisitive person: “No, the other pocket.”
Badass iPhone owner: “Oh, that’s my iPhone Mouse. Yeah.”
DAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNNN!!!! SOMEONE’S A FUCKING BADASS!
Prediction: By December 2010 EVERYONE will want a mouse for their iPhone. Just wait and see.
#2: 2 in 1 Sodas
I like soda pop. And sometimes, when I’m feeling crazy, I like to mix soda flavors. Maybe throw some Dr. Pepper in with my Sprite. Or squirt a dash of Fanta Pineapple into my Tab. Or maybe even pour some milk into my Pepsi.
Wait… what?
So the idea is this: Get in touch with a major soft drink manufacturer (naturally Coke comes to mind) and tell them to start creating hybrid sodas. Coke and Sprite in the same can! Minute Maid Pink Lemonade and root beer together at last in one can! YUM! This idea is already being done with chips and it’s been a huge success*, so why not start mixing sodas.
Seriously. This could be the next drink phenomenon.
*I didn’t do any research to back that claim up so please don’t hold me to it.
$$!!!$$!$!$$!$$!$$$!$##$!!$!$&
#1: Junesmas
This one is dedicated to the holiday season.
Every year retailers across this great country look towards the last two months of the year with a sense of hope. They hope they can make tons of money in those two months thanks to the presence of the holiday season.
During the holidays everyone is out there buying shit they don’t need. It’s a big boost to the economy every year and frankly, right now, we need all the boosts we can get.
So why not create another Christmas?
We can schedule it for June 25th and call it Junesmas. Give the kids a few days off school, let the postal workers stay home for a time (which shouldn’t be too difficult) and declare it a national holiday. In conjunction with Junesmas we can create an entirely new set of traditions. Like the tradition that you need to give out double the gifts at Junesmas than you do at Christmas. And the tradition that everyone should hang their Junesmas sandals by the chimney with care. And the tradition of passing the Junesmas beach ball around. And the tradition of decorating the Junesmas palm tree (thanks to SozaDesign for help with that amazing image up there… Walter Soza will be the Norman Rockwell of Junesmas).
It’ll be huge.
And when it’s all said and done the economy will be saved.
Seriously, the impact of this could be massive. Imagine the Junesmas songs and the Junesmas clothes and the Junesmas cards and the Junesmas decorations. Santa won’t be a part of it because that will detract from his backstory as a year-round toy maker, so we’ll develop a new mascot called Rory “The Shark” Claus. Rory is Santa’s younger and awesomer surfer dude cousin and he surfs through the sky on Junesmas and drops gifts into people’s swimming pools in plastic bags.
This dude is not even close to being awesome enough to be Rory Claus... but he'll do for now.
Can you imagine that? Your kids wake up on Junesmas morning and run outside to the see their swimming pool filled with bags of toys. That’s a powerful image. And don’t worry, the kids who don’t have swimming pools can wake up to a bathtub full of toys. Everyone wins!
Especially the economy.
Merry Junesmas to all and to all a rad night.
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Now let’s all go out and get rich. Happy Holidays, everyone.
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Need more untapped money-making ideas? Check it out:
Tags: christmas, iphone, soda, twitter, untapped money-making ideas
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