In This Economy?

This recession is taking its toll on everyone.

From the lower class worker who just got laid off to the filthy rich tycoon who can’t find a way to sell his third yacht, no one is immune to this downturn.

Thankfully though, those tycoons I just mentioned recently got a much needed bailout with the premiere of the ludicrously titled billionaireXchange.com (BXE).

Let’s break down this new site.

WHAT IS IT?!?!?!

BillionaireXchange.com is basically eBay for the disgustingly rich. Rich people (and I’m talking multiple-yacht rich, like early decade Nic Cage rich) have been dying for a way to discreetly unload their third yacht or tenth vacation home for years now, and before BXE came along they had to do commoner-type things like put an ad on craigslist (gasp!) or bet the unwanted merchandise in a game of blackjack and then purposefully lose (who hits on 19!?). It was very unbecoming. Some rich people even tried to use eBay but there just weren’t a lot of legitimate mansion shoppers on that site.

So, in summation, rich people were lost. Until now.

BXE offers a wide variety of shit no one would ever need things a rich person would want. There are yachts and mansions and things that are needlessly encrusted with diamonds. Famous people even have some of their goods for sale. For example A-Rod’s mansion is currently up for auction with a starting bid of $9,999,999.00. I don’t know why he didn’t just bump it over to $10 milly. I guess he thought that might alienate some of the frugal billionaires out there.

WHAT ELSE IS IT?!?!

BXE also has a couple of other purposes:

1. It serves as a place for rich people to congregate and show off the goods that they have outgrown.

“Yeah, I guess I’ll sell my Sikorsky helicopter. After all, it’s a 2001! It’s so old!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! [Sounds of caviar being audibly slurped down] HAHAHAHA!!$!!$$!$$!”

The founder of the site, a dude named Quintin Thompson, claims that the main purpose of BXE is to create a place for the rich to discreetly unload some of their goods without losing face during these tough economic times. Yeah, ok, man. Sure thing.

Oh, and speaking of Mr. Thompson…

2. BXE also serves as an insanely lucrative money-making scheme for its founders. As of right now, BXE pockets 5% of every sale made. 5% of an $8 million helicopter is $400,000. Wow. $400,000 just for putting a website together. Mr. Thompson and his cohorts are going to make some serious money if this thing works.

SO IS IT WORKING?!?!

The simple answer is “no”. I looked all over the site and I didn’t see a single bid on anything. Not even A-Rod’s mansion! A $50 bottle of ’96 Cristal wasn’t even generating any bids and that’s an awesome deal! So, for right now, it seems like the entire thing is a bust, but it’s still very new. There is a ton of overpriced stuff on BXE and as more and more eyes see this site, eventually someone is going to want to shell out the $50,000,000 necessary to buy an entire Mexican resort in Puerto Vallarta.

I encourage all of you to visit the site HERE and spend some time browsing the selection. I’ve really only scratched the surface of how over-the-top it is.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to organize a bake-sale as a part of my “help drocolate buy A-Rod’s mansion” fund. WHO WANTS CUPCAKES?

Tags: A-Rod, bailout, billionaires, Nicolas Cage, overpriced, recession, rich, super-rich, websites

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 12th, 2009 at 3:56 PM and is filed under Good News, WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.