In This Economy?

In the past nine months I’ve written 12 Shithead Trading Cards. And while they have ranged in shitheadishness from people who stole thousands to people who stole billions, they have all been vile.

It’s been fun. And cathartic.

So now, over the course of the next few weeks, I’d like to rehash some of that vileness and catch up with each of them.

LET’S DO THIS! ROUNDUP TIME!

Shithead #1: R. Allen Stanford AKA Sir Asshole

-Originally published on 2/20/09-

Well, the big news is that SIR Asshole is no longer a Sir. He had been knighted in Antigua many years ago but in light of his recent issues with the law, his knighthood has been stripped. I guess his revised nickname will simply be “Asshole”. Yeah, that fits.

Way back in February, Mr. Stanford was accused of $7 billion in fraud. He was overshadowed at the time by Bernie Madoff (roundup coming soon) but no matter how you look at it, $7 billion is a shitload of money.

In the months that followed he was seen crying on TV, not paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes and most recently — spitting blood into a water cup during a court appearance (gross). He’s also been losing weight at a rapid rate due to what his lawyers are calling “some sort of sickness”. While I think the dude is scum, I don’t want him dying. He needs to spend 2 or 3 or 50 years in prison first.

And speaking of being in prison, he’s been involved in a couple of fights since he went in. One of these fights even led to a hospital visit due to a consussion. I wonder if this has anything to do with the blood cup sptting episode? Hmmmm…

Check out what the dude is looking like these days:

Wow. Rough. It’s actually good that he lost his knighthood because knights just don’t look right in orange.

The financial fallout from his scheming has been enormous. His associates have been dropping like flies in the wake of the fraud charges. Most recently, two former employees of Stanford’s capital management firm got slapped with an $11 million dollar lawsuit from the receiver in charge of retrieving all the lost money.

And that brings me to the saddest part of the Stanford update — the receiver. While I’m sure Ralph Janvey (that’s the receiver) is a nice guy, the news he brought recently was not. The amount of money he is hoping to recoup is only $1.5 billion. In all truth, that’s quite a lot, especially when you consider that Stanford was operating a Ponzi scheme (and those operate on the basis of imaginary money), but $1.5 billion is still waaaaaay less than $7 billion.

$5.5 billion have just disappeared. Up Sir Asshole’s ass.

Bleh. Makes me want to spit up some blood.

–

Next time on Shithead Roundup: Nadya Suleman!!!

STAY TUNED!!

Tags: bernie madoff, ponzi, R. Allen Stanford, Shithead Roundup, Shithead Trading Cards

This entry was posted on Monday, November 9th, 2009 at 4:22 PM and is filed under Shithead Trading Cards. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.