In This Economy?

Artist rendition of Earth's grim future.

To my bosses at In-This-Economy.com: Shut down the site! It’s over! We beat the recession, and everything is going to be OK. Once again, Texas comes through to save the day.

Earlier this year, Dallas County enacted the lyrical scofflaw vehicle registration denial program whereby people who have unpaid traffic tickets issued by Dallas County Sheriff’s Deputies and Constables cannot renew their vehicle registrations until all fines have been paid.

That’s sure to be a boon for the county’s coffers. But it’s the city of Dallas that plans to generate enough revenue to save the planet, when they allow registrations to be blocked for unpaid local traffic tickets.

Check out this quote from Councilman Jerry Allen:

That goes back to the comments that we get beat up on is the zillions of dollars that we let get away from us. And this is, you know, dipping your feet in the pool.

I don’t know where the fuck the feet-dipping metaphor came from or where he learned to construct sentences, but I don’t care because we’re all about to be rich!!! Zillions of dollars???

It’s a dream come true. Now the world will have more money than we know what to do with. We can bomb the moon! Oh… we done did that.

We can start an unnecessary war! Oh… this guy beat us to it.

Shit. I’m all out of ideas. But who cares? We can pay someone a bajillion dollars to come up with ways to spend our other zillions.

Thank you, Dallas, for fixing the economy forever and making us all wealthier than Jesus! And yes, you know what happens now:

Tags: Councilman Jerry Allen, Dallas, Dallas County, economy, Scrooge McDuck, traffic tickets

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 at 11:29 AM and is filed under Good News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.