Bernie Madoff gets into his first prison fight
Posted by guestblogger on October 15th, 2009NOTE: The following article comes from ITE guestblogger sillypie.
Bernie Madoff, convicted Ponzi scheme architect and known ITE shithead, has ceased to be a pain… even in prison.
Turns out, Bernie boy went ahead and got into a fight with another inmate a few days ago. News sources are reporting that his physical outburst was over a heated discussion on, what else, the stock market. I mean, in this economy, I can think of nothing better to get pissed about than stocks and bonds. Let’s not shed a tear over the billions you’ve lost for all your former clients, homes.
Before you go thinking how much of a badass Madoff must be now, there are two things you need to keep in mind about this fight.
1. The whole ordeal was a shoving match.
Madoff was shoved by an unknown inmate and he shoved him back. End of story. I’d hardly go so far as to say that Ponz-master was in a “fight.” It might as well have been a slap fight. My 14-year old sister could probably kick your ass with moves like that, Madoff.
The good news is, at least King Shithead was prepared for this eventuality. News reports note that before beginning his sentence, Madoff apparently invested in a special consultant to give him lessons on how to survive prison. It seems like he at least got past lesson number one: don’t let other prisoners give you shit or you’ll forever be their bitch. Let’s just hope no one drops the soap when he’s around.
2. The other inmate was another old guy.
Madoff himself is in his 70’s and his victim in his 60’s. I guess it’s good that he had a chance to pick on someone his own size, but really? I thought that there were some unspoken rules about fighting and being old.
Now that Madoff has gotten a taste of clichéd prison life, I wonder when his Rocky training montage will start. He’s going to need to step up his regimen, considering Kevin Bacon’s still after him. (And really, you’ve got only six degrees until he cuts you.)
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For a little extra Halloween fun, don’t forget to pick up your own Bernie Madoff mask! And be sure to shove someone old.
Tags: bernie madoff, fighting, ponzi, prison, Shithead Trading Cards
Last weekend I rented a bad Rob Schneider movie about this very thing.
[...] We reported a few months ago on a prison fight shoving match that Bern Dog got into over the stock market. And that was only one example of how prison life has taken its toll on this old bastard. On Christmas eve he was hospitalized for supposedly falling out his bed and injuring his face. According to sources there was “a lot of facial bleeding”. Yikes. I imagine this bed accident was similar to a battered wife “falling down the stairs” but that’s just me speculating. [...]