ITE Eats at The State Fair of Texas
Posted by guestblogger on October 13th, 2009NOTE: The following article comes from ITE guestblogger The Gator.
The Gator’s Mouth, Episode 1: The State Fair of Texas
The good folks at ITE enlisted me, The Gator, to go forth into the world of eats on a mission. My mission: to find the most delicious of all that is delicious and the most putrid of all that is putrid; to navigate my way through the world of media hyped foods for the true gems and deals and to help you avoid the duds and bombs that will leave you feeling empty or sick; and most importantly to help you enjoy truly good food without wasting your money. We’re not talking about coupon clippings, necessarily. We’re talking about still being able to indulge and enjoy and use food as more than just a way to fuel your body but as something that allows you to experience a higher level of appreciation of the possibilities of food… once again, without wasting your money.
So, I submit to you human people of the world of earth, my first assignment:
THE 2009 GREAT STATE FAIR OF TEXAS!
But before we get into the actual food, let’s talk about money…
Estimated Monies Spent:
$18 for parking and admission and $60 for 120 coupons (the currency at The Fair comprises of “coupons” that cost $.50/coupon. Which make this an excellent subject for this column as when paying for overpriced fair food, one MUST be armed with the knowledge of what to spend on and what to avoid.) I did not take notes on food costs as I was judging solely on taste and the whole coupon system kind of magically erases your hesitance to spend factor. I would try to estimate, but I don’t want to mislead any of you dear readers. I visited The Fair twice (first trip parking and admission were free). On the first day, I only had one corny dog, one root beer and one piece of fried peach. The rest of the damage was done on my second visit, and I must admit I kind of impressed myself with my eating capacity.
And now without further adieu, let’s get on with the good stuff.
The Food:
I have ranked the foods (tried to, at least) in order from least favorite to favorite. I’ve also included the location (to the best of my knowledge) where you might find the food item in question.
19. (yes 19) CHOCOLATE COVERED DEEP FRIED JALAPENO – Bleck. Just didn’t work. I know some of you are thinking: “Well, of course not!”, but I like to consider myself a very adventurous eater and very open minded and I like just about everything (read: everything). However, this was just a mess from the start. Maybe it was the particular chocolate or the very fresh jalapeno. Spicy chocolate is a favorite of mine, but this: NOPE! AVOID! (Cotton Bowl Plaza)
18. FRIED PEANUTS IN THE SHELL – What a waste! You’re supposed to be able to eat them “shell and all”. That was like salty sawdust (though, better than ACTUAL sawdust), and the peanut itself was just really oily and soft. I never found DEEP FRIED PEANUTS which are breaded. I don’t know if those would be better. AVOID! (Fun Way)
**NOTE** - Those are really the only two foods I wouldn’t try again. The rest of the list is really quite tasty, so you should probably look at it as a countdown from “tasty and would probably enjoy on another occasion” to “downright damned delicious”.
17. BACON EXPLOSION ON A PRETZEL ROLL - First off, it took me 2 days to find the damn place that sells this incredibly titled item. Second, when I finally found it (thanks to a VERY INFORMATIVE AND HELPFUL Information Booth attendant named Jim) they were OUT OF PRETZEL ROLLS! All they had were plain hamburger buns. I’m not exactly sure if this counts as the real deal so my ranking here may be flawed. Anyhow, the Bacon Explosion on a Pretzel Roll (or BEPR), is a deliciously spicy loaf of Owens spicy ground sausage wrapped in deliciously smoked pepper bacon and cooked and then sliced for sandwiches. By the time this meat bomb was placed in my hands it was soggy and, like I said, on a plain hamburger bun. It tasted decent enough, but I think the chewiness of a pretzel roll would have DRASTICALLY elevated this sandwich! Also, I think frying up the individual slice of the bacon/sausage loaf (maybe even breading and THEN frying) would have made this mucho awesome. Finally, I think all the effort spent trying to find the damn vendor created more and more anticipation for the sandwich that made for higher and higher expectations. Worth a try if you’re blessed with a heavy wallet. (In the brown Owen’s food barn on MLK Blvd over by the pigs. Kind of dark and ominous as my lovely beautiful cohort pointed out)
16. FRIED TWINKIE – I LOVE TWINKIES! I only LIKED this. The battering and frying of that delicious yellow shortening pillow always makes for a blob of sweet goop that teases you as to whether you’re eating a funnel cake or a Twinkie. That SHOULD be a good thing. But, it’s just frustrating and not worth the calories. I’d still eat another one, though. DO IT! (Fun Way)
15. ALLIGATOR SAUSAGE – I know! I know! The Gator eating gator?! Gator is delicious. Fried gator is the best. A giant alligator sausage on a stick is pretty good. Snappy casing and delicious, spicy meat. However, tastes too much like a regular pork sausage (I expect there was a good amount of pork mixed in). I’d totally take these to a cookout, though. Worth a try! (Grand Avenue)
14. TEXAS BAR-B-QUE BOOMERANGS – The only reason these little goodies found their way to #13 is because they were just that… little… and lacking. They’ve taken a won ton wrapper and filled it with some pretty good chopped brisket and tangy sauce and then deep fried it. Put those on a menu and I’ll eat those all damn day. However, my order consisted of 3-4 large triangular fried won tons with just about a pinch of brisket. WTF?! I can guarantee if they filled those dudes with 2 or 3 times more meat, they’d have a GIANT success on their hands! Needless to say, I’d order them again. (BW’s in the Tower Building a.k.a. – Food Court)
13. DEEP FRIED BACON - Yes! The much maligned creation that raised the food at the Texas State Fair to infamous levels. I had actually never tried it, as this year is my first year to be able to attend the fair in a couple of years. Probably another situation like the BEPR (see #17), my anticipation probably made for expectations that were just out of whack. I LOVE BACON! When eating bacon, I like chewy bacon. However, when eating deep fried bacon I found myself wanting crispy bacon NOT dripping with grease. I know what you’re saying: “DUDE! It’s deep fried bacon.” And I know, but I can still demand crispy bacon NOT dripping with grease. This would have allowed the fried crust to fully cover and stick to the bacon and taste like MORE THAN just a greasy piece of bacon with the occasional hint and crunch of fried breading. Please remember, I’m not knocking this AT ALL, but a list had to be compiled. Try it! (Nimitz Drive)
12. TEXAS PIG CANDY – Take some cocktail sausages. Cover them in brown sugar, raspberry chipotle sauce and cayenne pepper. Cook and caramelize. Cover with candied jalapenos. HOLY YES! Awesome. Awesome. The booth ALSO sells cupcakes and something called a “Meatball Cocktail”. When I asked what a “Meatball Cocktail” was a woman, advanced in years, chimed in from behind us with an answer directed to my lady friend: “WE KNOW WHAT A ‘MEATBALL COCKTAIL’ IS, RIGHT?!” I was was so shocked by this that I didn’t really hear what a “Meatball Cocktail” was. Oh well. The pig candy is a strong play and yum yum good, though. Yum yum yes try! (Bailey’s in Tower Building a.k.a. – Food Court)
11. FLETCHER’S JALAPENO AND CHEESE CORNY DOG – I’m all for adding jalapeno and cheese to stuff. But come on man! You DON’T MESS WITH A LEGEND! Was it good? Sure! As good as the original? NOPE. It put my mind on a little mind treadmill and took it for a walk to nowhere as it searched for whether it enjoyed this or not. Listen here, Fletcher’s. I had already worked out and done my yoga that morning in preparation for the gluttony. Plus, I had already walked through the storm of the century (or at least the biggest storm of that half of the afternoon). I didn’t want to do ANY MORE WANDERING! If one (yours truly being the aforementioned “one”) wasn’t aware of all the glorious and God-given deliciousness of an original Fletcher’s Corny Dog, this would have found itself higher on the list. (Lots of places)
(Ranking them gets so hard from here!)
10. COUNTRY FRIED PORK CHIPS – Awesome thin and lean slices of pork deep fried. This is what the Deep Fried Bacon should strive to be like! Dip these dudes in some ranch or some mustard… or make a mixture like I did… and ENJOY! Salty and meaty and good. Would pair perfectly on a bun with some deep fried pickles. WHAT’S UP?! DO IT! (Nimitz Drive with the Fried Bacon)
9. SWEET JALAPENO CORN DOG SHRIMP – Do you like sweet and sour shrimp at Chinese food eat shops? I DO! Imagine some good sweet and sour shrimp from a good Chinese food eat shop. Now, instead of a thin/slightly crunchy breading, insert a thicker, sweet and chewy corn dog breading! It’s covered in a sweet glaze with a perfect amount of heat in each bite. It’s great! Total must try! YES! HAVE SOME! (By the Esplanade and Chevy Mainstage)
8. FRIED BANANA PUDDING – OH MOMMY! Take some dough. Put some banana pudding in the middle. Fry that bastard. A damn good fried hand pie. Only complaint I have (and the unfortunate reason this bad boy wasn’t ranked higher than eighth) is not enough banana pudding filling. Must try for fans of banana pudding, banana cream pie or fried pies. EAT AND EAT! (BW’s in Tower Building a.k.a. – Food Court… with the Boomerangs)
7. FERNIE’S DEEP FRIED PEACHES & CREAM – The winner of “BEST TASTE” in the Big Tex Choice Awards. It’s REALLY GOOD. Sweet. Crunchy. Cinnamony. Warm. Delicious. Not the best of the new creations in my book, but still a must try. YESSSS! (Nimitz Drive and also by Big Tex)
6. DEEP FRIED SNICKERS – I HAVE TO HAVE THESE! I mean, you can’t go wrong with a plain Snickers bar! Wrapping it in a funnel cake, though?! Daddy likey. A molteny, melty, gooey, nougatey, caramely core lying inside a sweet, doughy, chewy funnel cake crust is aces in my book. (I can see how this can be overwhelmingly sweet to most people, though. I pity you.) YESSSS x 4! (Fun Way and other places)
5. DEEP FRIED BUTTER – HERE IT IS! The MUCH MUCH MUCH maligned and vilified creation. Such a polarizing food! I admit that when I heard about this, even I had a day or two of scrunch face where I wondered if this was really something that should be unleashed on the fat masses. After much consideration and pondering and researching, I made my mind up that this HAD to be delicious (if not better than delicious). I mean, it’s butter and dough… LOTS of butter and dough. Deep fried butter puffs are a traditional Chinese food! Do you enjoy croissants? Do you enjoy cream puffs? Do you enjoy buttery pie crusts? Do you enjoy butter biscuits? That’s butter and dough! This is butter and dough… only to the next, extreme butter level! You can choose to have plain (with powdered sugar), garlic, or with grape or cherry jelly/topping. I sampled the plain (with powdered sugar) with a bit of “oh dear, I’m about to eat straight butter… again… only this time it’s fried”-hesitance. And it was worth EVERY FATTY CALORIE. Imagine just a really good buttery, doughy biscuit. Seriously. REALLY GOOD! I commented to my beautiful, adventure-eater lady friend that this would be perfected if a Chic-Fil-A chicken breast found its way in the middle of one of these dudes. Or topped with cinnamon and more sugar. Would I eat these everyday? No (yes). Once a week? No (yes). Once a month? No (yes). Once a year? Hell yes. Just get over yourself and try it. (Nimitz Drive and Fun Way)
4. TEXAS FRIED PECAN PIE – This whole thing just really worked. Now, granted you have to like pecan pie. But… man. Really sweet? Yes. Cloyingly sweet? No. Everything just melts together under a sweet, chewy fried breading and just… oooooh mama. Oh yes. It’s like if someone were to take a funnel cake and had injected pecan pie inside each of those little fingers and ganglia of sweet fried dough. SERIOUS EAT DO! (Nimitz Drive)
3. FUNNEL CAKE – Do I REALLY need to explain this? The Jackson Pollock of desserts. A frenetic doughnut covered in powdered sugar (or half-powdered sugar, half-cinnamon baked apples in my case). Hot. Soft. Chewy. Hell yes. (Lots of places)
2. ROOT BEER – Hey. This is MY list. I am very aware that this is probably nothing more than IBC or Barqs or A&W brand root beer. Still nothing is morer awesomer to me than getting a so-very-ice-cold root beer poured out of a giant keg especially for you, the ticket bearing fair-goer. Then taking that root beer and walking around enjoying the sights of new cars, interestingly dressed/unique people, Billy Mays-starter-kit pitchmen, topaz jewelry, Confederate flag belt buckles, butter sculptures, flipping/spinning-shottily-put-together Midway rides, thieving Midway carnies, the world’s tiniest horse, prize winning/record holding animals with huge gonads, and the smell of all the above. The only thing that can make this even morer awesomer is if you pair it with the #1 Fair Food item… (Lots of places)
1. FLETCHER’S ORIGINAL CORNY DOG – Do I REALLY need to explain THIS? The original. Literally. Where corny dogs and corn dogs were invented. I’m not going to explain. I’m not EVEN going to go on a diatribe about how it’s abuse and a sin and a mutilationable (new hot word) offense to put ketchup on a Fletcher’s Original Corny Dog. I’m just not (mustard only, people… or go plain). (Lots of places)
BOOM! THERE IT IS!
I dare you to prove me wrong! You probably will because I have weird tastes in food. Anyway. There is still plenty of food at the Fair that I have to try: Green Goblin, Twisted Yam on a Stick, Fried Peanut Butter Cup Macaroon, Deep Fried Pizza, Fried Dinner Roll! There are foods that I know I love but just couldn’t squeeze in during these two visits: Fried Oreo, Churros, Roasted Corn, Deep Fried Cheesecake, Turkey Leg, Fried Coke (YES. I LIKE FRIED COKE), Texas Tater Twisters, etc. Plus, I still have to figure out what a “Meatball Cocktail” is! Who knows!
There are still 10 days of Fair-y goodness and excitement left! If I can suffer the $10 parking and the extra notch on my belt, I just might find myself in Big Tex’s shadow again and gnawing on a Fletcher’s Original Corn Dog and sipping on a tall ass root beer.
–
So, there you have it. From The Gator’s Mouth-hole to your ear-holes (or eye-holes) a decently serious and devoted effort to detail the best of the 2009 Great State Fair of Texas. I hope this list helps you avoid pitfalls and attain the highest of culinary highs. Do yourself a favor and take at least one day this year to go out and enjoy the pleasures and indulgences of life — and with The Gator’s help you’ll leave with a full belly, a sugar-high and no regret!
Tags: food, guestblog, guestblogger, meat, State Fair of Texas, The Gator
This is so hardcore.
When his body finally processes all of that, The Gator will be missed. Future R.I.P.
oh god, now I want to go to the fair even more… *drool*
Good lord. I can’t believe you ate all of that. You are dedicated.
You are my hero.
I’m super disappointed that you didn’t try OR rank the fried peanut butter and jelly and banana sandwich, which, in MY opinion, is MUCH better than the friend butter. It’s AT LEAST #4 or higher.
@SurlyZ – My body quickly processed and although I felt near swine flu death the next day, I have bounced back and could again easily take on the fair in similar fashion…if I didn’t want to live another 65ish years.
@codered – I apologize for no PBJ w/ Banana. A quick anecdote. As a child, The Gator lived on a diet of PBJBS sandwiches. That’s peanut butter and jelly with banana and syrup sandwiches. It was The Tiny Child Gator’s standard for breakfast, lunch, dinner and between meal meals which we called “snacks”. The Tiny Child Gator and his parents (The Gator doesn’t know why, but has switched to 3rd person narration) would sit down for a delicious PBJBS feast and smile and be sated. Then, one day Peter Pan, Aunt Jemima, and what appeared to be the bunch of Fruit of the Loom Grapes kicked in the door during a delicious dinner of PBJBS sandwiches. Aunt Jemima grabbed The Gator’s mother, Peter Pan his father, and the bunch of grapes leapt for The Gator but slipped on a banana peel and went sliding across the kitchen on one foot with his arms swinging in the air in a backstroke swim motion until he crashed into the buffet where a bunch of dishes fell over on top of him rendering him unconscious. Peter Pan pulled out a Desert Eagle and held it to The Gator’s dad’s temple and Aunt Jemima opened a butterfly knife like she were a member of the Wing Kong from Big Trouble in Little China and stuck it to The Gator’s mom’s throat. As The Family sat there crying tears of fear (NOT Tears for Fears), Peter Pan spoke about how they were there to exact revenge on us for helping evil corporations exploit the peanut, grape and maple syrup farmers of the world. When The Gator pointed out the banana on the sandwich and wondered about banana farmers, there was a moment of silence as Peter Pan and Aunt Jemima nervously looked at each other with frustrated “aw f***” expressions behind their blinking eyes. “Enough!” Aunt Jemima shouted while Peter Pan nervously scratched at track marks on his forearms and neck (he was OBVIOUSLY addicted to smack). After a long monologue about economics, social injustice, worker’s rights, raping of farmland, and other socialist jargon into a video camera that the now concious Grapes set-up, Peter Pan and the Grapes doused The Gator’s childhood house with barrels of gasoline and set it on fire. The trio of bandits then blinfolded The Gator and his family and tied them to a circle of chairs in the perfect middle of all the flames. The evildoers then quickly made their way through the house stealing all the valuables, electronics and prescription pills they could. Just to be hardcore evil, Aunt Jemima knifed The Gator’s mother and Peter Pan offed The Gator’s father with 2 slugs from his Desert Eagle. Peter Pan, Aunt Jemima, and the Grapes made a quick escape through the garage door leaving The Gator fearful and tied to his dead parents amidst giant flames. The Gator shimmied a knife from his cowboy boot and into his hands where he sawed through the ropes freeing himself. The Gator picked up the bodies of his dead parents and carried them PLATOON stylee through the flames of his house, BACKDRAFT stylee. The Gator sat on the sidewalk with the bodies of his parents watching his house burn down while tears poured down his childhood face. The videotaped statement of Peter Pan and Aunt Jemima never made it to the public as The Gator expects that the Grapes left the tape and the camera to burn in the flames.
So, CODERED, can you see why The Gator would avoid the deep fried pbjb?
Good morning.
Wow. That was almost better than the entire Fair food roundup.
Almost.
Did the flames deep fry your parents? Did you have a taste? How did it rate on your list?
The Gator,
As last Friday was National Face Your Fear Day, I’m now even MORE upset that you did not in fact face your fear, and try a delicious pbj&b fried sandwich. Stop crying like a little girl and man up.
Awwwwwwwww shiiiitttttt!!!!!
Hey codered. Watch yourself or I will watch myself forced feed you a delicious pbj&b fried sandwich with my knee.
Please don’t judge me based on my typo. *hangs head in shame*
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