In This Economy?

Patrick Swayze passed away yesterday at the way-too-young age of 57. The acclaimed actor/singer (don’t forget the singing!) lost his well documented battle with pancreatic cancer.

Swayze was a legend. No bullshit. The roles he played in his movies were iconic.

So iconic in fact, that they just may be able to save the economy.

Let me break down a plan I have created to fully resurrect the economy in the span of the next few weeks using the magic that is Swayze as the secret ingredient. Forgive me if this whole plan seems grim, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

-THE SWAYZE ECONOMIC RECOVERY PLAN-

Step One: Find the target audience.

In the average American household the woman of the house is the primary decision maker. This is a well known fact that has been backed up time and again through research. With this in mind, for the economy to receive the boost it needs to start working at full speed again, it’s going to have to do something to reach out to women.

Step Two: Identify how to reach this target audience.

Now that we know we are trying to reach women, the main household influencers, we can narrow down some of the things we may have tried previously. Things like Cash for Clunkers, which was a nice shot in the arm but it didn’t work long term because there wasn’t enough money to fund it and it was starting to do more harm to the environment than good it dealt with cars and men are more into cars than women.

So what’s a product or service that is going to get women to act… Hmmm… Ah ha! Patrick Swayze movies! Women really love Swayze movies. And they love one of them more than the others. The Holy Grail of chick flicks — Dirty Dancing.

Step Three: Use the media hype.

Now that Mr. Swayze has prematurely passed away (RIP), there will be a shitstorm of media coverage for at least the next two weeks. This media coverage is going to make the women of the world remember some of their favorite Swayze moments. Moments like:

• Ghost Swayze making sexy pottery with Demi Moore in Ghost
• Dirty Swayze dancing dirtily in Dirty Dancing
• Patrick Swayze throwing chicks up against walls in several movies before passionately making out with/doing them (it was his signature move — The Swayze Special)

After reawakening their love for Swayze all of these women are going to want to watch these films.

Now let’s take a second to understand the power of Swayze. I don’t have any supported research on this, but of all the women I’ve known in my life, I would say that the vast majority have either loved Dirty Dancing or taken it to the next level and called it their favorite movie of all time. That’s powerful.

So in the wake of his passing, Patrick Swayze mania is everywhere and women are looking for copies of Dirty Dancing to watch. This is where our opportunity comes in.

Step Four: Deliver a product.

In the next few days the government needs to work with the original producers of Dirty Dancing to create a new version of the film. The power and emotion and dancing of the original will remain intact. The only change will be some subtle product placement inserted throughout. Placement for large scale products that will help get the entire economy started again. It’ll ook something like this:

Once the new movie has been completed enlist President Obama to do a short introduction and throw it up on store shelves as the Dirty Dancing: Presidential Cut. The same product placement technique can be used in Ghost as well and the two DVDs can be packaged together in a twin pack. Get these DVDs on store shelves soon and sell them for a very low price.

From there just sit back and…

Step Five: Watch the economy turn around.

Let’s just estimate that 50% of the women in the country buy this low priced new cut of Dirty Dancing. The majority of them will share it with friends so that by the time it’s all said and done, this new DVD will have been seen by (and this is just an estimate) 75-80% of the women in the country. These women will then go out and shop, fueled by the subtle product placement imagery they saw in their favorite movie.

And since women are the primary decision makers they will control where their household’s money goes, and thanks to this plan more of that money will be going back out into the economy. Salvation will be in the making.

By October 1, the economy will be buoyant again. By November 1, flourishing.

On November 15, we can drop the Point Break/Road House: Presidential Cut DVD twin pack and pick up the men who have yet to be influenced by the behaviors of their female counterparts. In the end the majority of culture-conscious Americans will be watching Swayze and spending money thanks to his amazing performances and the subtle product placement flanking said performances.

By December 15, we can say goodbye to China as the world’s most powerful nation. We’ll be back on top.

All thanks to Swayze. The legend. The savior. The star.

–

Now I understand that this plan may seem crazy or stupid or sexist or brutally disrespectful to the recently departed, but trust me, if we do this and we do it quickly and accurately… well let’s just put it this way:

You’ll see this and remember the good old days…

…and then the next day you’ll go out and buy ten pounds of Kraft cheese.

R.I.P. Patrick Swayze. You’re a total bad ass and I truly mean you no disrespect.

Tags: Barack Obama, economic recovery, economy, movies, Patrick Swayze, Walmart

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 at 6:49 AM and is filed under Bad News, Good News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.