In This Economy?

In this economy there is nothing more valuable than an idea.

With that statement in mind, each month I’m going to be giving out five brand new, untapped money-making ideas that are sure to be instant goldmines. Feel free to grab them and make them your own. Just don’t forget who tipped you off in the first place.

I’ve got five ideas that will explode your brain. Seriously. And yeah, I know it’s no longer August, please forgive me. Here we go:

#5: iPee

iPee is a new app for the iPhone that analyzes your urine. Seriously. If When this is invented it will be HUGE!

All you do is take out your iPhone, open up iPee, pee on your iPhone and wait for your results. It’s that easy! Here are a few examples of uses for iPee:

• Getting ready for a piss test at work? Pee on your phone first to see if that detox you picked up did the trick.
• Think you may have a UTI? Pee on your iPhone and find out!
• Taking a shady, yet-to-be-identified performance enhancing drug? Use iPee to find out if it’s still good enough to pass normal pro sports drug tests.
• Feeling pregnant? Yeah, you know what to do.

Pretty sweet, huh? Pee on your phone and find out you’re pregnant one second, then call your baby’s daddy on the same phone a second later! Convenient!

#4: Subway on a subway

I’m a big fan of combining two awesome things to make one even awesomer thing, and this is a great example of that.

First we have Subway sandwich restaurants, which offer people the ability to “eat fresh”…and I guess that’s a really good thing. Subway also has that skinny dude Jared who supposedly lost a thousand pounds by giving up and deciding to solely eat Subway for every meal. Plus, the Subway near the ITE office has soup, which I thought was weird. Yeah. All in all, Subway restaurants are AWESOME! Clearly.

Then there are subways. They’re like trains but they’re underground. Uhhhh, they’re filled with characters and sometimes you can hear sweet street music while you wait for them. So yeah, they’re AWESOME! Clearly.

Now, let’s take those two things and merge them. Imagine you’re sitting on the subway in Paris. You feel a little hungry. You can ask for a bite of your neighbor’s crepe (not a good idea in Paris) or you can go to the newly instituted Subway dining car! It’s Subway on a subway! YES! YES! HAHAHAHA!

Yeah, that was just one big set up. I apologize. But seriously, those people at Subway should get on this. It could be MASSIVE!!!! And if they’re not careful someone else might get to the idea first, like Schlotzsky’s. Then we’d have Schlotzsky’s on a subway, which just doesn’t sound nearly as awesome.

Moving on!

#3: Meatsicles

Do you like meat? Do you only eat frozen food?  You’re not alone.

Now, thanks to Meatsicles, you can enjoy all the awesome flavors of meat without having to touch an oven or microwave or campfire. Just take a meatsicle out of the freezer, unwrap it and suck on it until it’s gone. YAY MEAT!

Meatsicles come in a wide assortment of flavors incuding: chicken, beef, pork, ham, bacon, dinner meat, venison, quail, duck, rabbit, frog, gator, haggis, veal, lamb, bologna, pepperoni, spam and in limited markets: human being

The kids will love sucking on this meat! YUM!

#2: Chairlets

Productivity in the work place is always an issue these days. With things like Twitter and Facebook and blogs (sorry…), keeping your employees’ focus can be trying.

This is where Chairlets come in. Chairlets are office chairs with built-in toilets in the seat. They’re great because if everyone in your company didn’t need to get up to use the restroom they would get more done. That’s a fact.

Plus, if everyone in your office is using a Chairlet they will no longer have any need for bathrooms, so you can close those shits down and turn them into more offices. And more offices = more productivity.

And I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried that it’s going to smell. You don’t want to work in a smelly office! Well worry no more because each Chairlet comes with a complimentary bottle of Febreeze. And this isn’t some garden fresh generic scented Febreeze. Oh no. This is a specially formulated blend made to accompany an office full of Chairlets. It’s called “Bizness” and it smells like a mixture of coffee, toner and that dude who over-colognes in the cube next to you. It’s good.

One more quick thing, if you get a Chairlet you must remember to empty it every night before you go home. Trust me on this.

Many thanks to SozaDesign for help with the logo on this one.

YEAH! PRODUCTIVITY ATTACK!

#1: Ig-Glue

Ig-Glue is a new adhesive product that will aid lazy eskimos in the timeless art of igloo construction. Sometimes you just don’t want to take the time to pack each ice/snow brick perfectly, and if you have some Ig-Glue you won’t have to.

Yeah, I think that’s it on this one.

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That’s all I’ve got this for last month. I’m not sure if you guys smell that, but it’s the smell of money (and probably some other things thanks to the potty-related theme of some of this month’s ideas). Huff that smell. Huff it.

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Need more untapped money-making ideas? Check it out:

• JULY ’09
• JUNE ’09
• MAY ’09
• APRIL ’09

Tags: Chairlets, ig-glue, ipee, iphone, lists, meatsicles, subway, untapped money-making ideas

This entry was posted on Friday, September 4th, 2009 at 8:54 AM and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.