In This Economy?

You think your panties are in a twist over the shitty economy?

AT LEAST YOU DON’T HAVE TO RESEARCH PANTIES

Turns out you’re not the only one. Researchers at NPD Group have been carefully watching our asses, well more like what we purchase to cover our asses. Well more specifically what men purchase to cover their asses. And it’s not really about boxers or briefs, but rather how many times that cash register rings and the receipt shows panties, manties, boxer-briefs or whatever you might be into.

hello, gentlemen.

AN INTIMATE INDEX

The theory goes like this: usually, mens skivvies sales are pretty stable, kinda like milk sales. Sure, they all wear their damn undies until they practically disintegrate into ether, but they tend to do this at the same rate no matter what the economy looks like. It’s only in times of intense economic strife that underwear sales go down from that tiny margin. It’s called the Men’s Underwear Index, or MUI. Even Alan Greenspan is a subscriber. But the point here is that this year’s sales are going down at a lower rate than last year’s, and that next year it’s expected to go down at an even lower rate. Lower rate of boxer-buying decrease equals double negative, sure. But it’s positive for those fortunetellers who predict stuff about the economy based on shit like lipstick and BVDs. Clear as poo?

"Damn you, laundry day!!!!"

LET THE CELEBRATION COMMENCE

Pants Off, Dance Off, anyone? Go ahead—buy your favorite stock broker a sexy, satin pair (they get extra-sweaty-awesome when the stock exchange floor heats up). Get your financial advisor a green pair ‘o jockeys to wear when he’s feelin’ lucky. Just buy them something, because goodness knows they won’t buy them for themselves.

P.S.: I’m picturing you all in your underwear while I’m writing this. He. He.
P.P.S: Wearing your underwear inside out is NOT just like putting on a clean pair. Yes, you.

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Tags: Alan Greenspan, alert, boxer briefs, boxers, economic recovery, economy, index, manties, panties, tightey whitey, underwear, whitey tighty

This entry was posted on Monday, August 31st, 2009 at 4:08 PM and is filed under Good News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.