In This Economy?

It’s that time again. But before I jump in completely, I want to link back to PART 1 and PART 2 of this ongoing saga. Check them out. Or don’t. Whatever.

Now let’s jump into round 3!

In the month or so since I last reported on the over-quizzification of Facebook, things haven’t changed much. Stupid quizzes have given way to stupider ones and the overall degeneration of Facebook has continued.

Sigh…

Here’s some a ton of examples.

Quizzes for girls

Congrats! You’re a classy BITCH. You love to fight “secretivly”and you don’t use your fists. You also know how to run the game! Whatever that means. Oh, and you also have sweet tats. And you like to sit in front of bookshelves with no shoes on! YES! CLASSY!

So now that you know that you are a CLASSY BITCH, it’s only natural to then determine how BITCHY (I love the random capitalization) you are. I’m not sure what the metric is to determine this percentage, but I’m sure it’s infallible.

Now that you know you’re a CLASSY BITCH with a bitch level of 30%, it only makes sense to determine which TRULY badass historical BITCH female you are. And just FYI, this quiz only deals with TRULY badass historical women. None of those lame-ass Mary Todd Lincolns or Golda Meirs. We’re not talking about some Betsy Ross bullshit here. We’re talking about TRULY bad ass chicks. Like Lizzy the first (pictured above), Joan of Arc and Angelina Jolie. BOOM!

Ok, so you’re a 30% CLASSY BITCH that has some Queen E the first in you. But how does that transfer to the present? And more specifically, how does it transfer to the incredibly important world of “girly” movies? ANNE HATHAWAY FOR THE WIN, BITCHES! YEAH!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no.

This girl quiz tangent is over. Next!

Quizzes for pervs

Nope. I see a crotch. Oh shit! I’m a perv!

Please note the comment from the quiz-taker:

“a week? should be more like a day..”

Yeah, sure thing, pal. Nothing says “I have a voracious sexual appetite” more than a Facebook quiz. Uh huh.

Oh, and once again, I love the random capping of keywords. SEX!

Jessica Rabbit is sexy. I won’t dispute that. I’m not crazy! But what other cartoon females are even in the running on this? All the famous Disney princesses are sweet and wholesome, not sexy. I understand that Arial and Jasmine showed a little skin, but they weren’t all bada bing like Jessica Rabbit.

I just don’t think this is a valid quiz because I don’t think there’s enough variety. I mean seriously, who else is there? Betty Boop? Give me a break.

Oh my. Why would you ever take this quiz? HEY EVERYONE, MY DICK IS ANDRE THE GIANT BIG! YEAH! HAHAHAHAHA!

Sidenote: Is there any proof that Andre the Giant had a huge dick or are the brilliant makers of this quiz just making a generalization? Is the tiny penis option coupled with a famous little person? The Willow penis?

Another Sidenote: I like how the font almost has a Jurassic Park vibe to it. An inspired choice. Especially if you get the rare “your penis is the size of a fucking T-Rex’s weiner” result.

Other quizzes (miscellaneous crap)

Alright, I admit, this isn’t technically a quiz. But what the hell? Pick up sticks? Really? You’re publishing to the world your new high score in effing pick up sticks. YOU ARE OVERSHARING! MAKE IT STOP!

YEAH! Because you need a really big gun to get your point across! Because you’re compensating for your Willow penis! Because you want to feel like those NRA dues are worth it! Because you’ve got a Clint Eastwood tattoo on your inner thigh! YEAH!

I love the explanation:

“You’re not concerned about concealing your weapon. You want the world to know ‘Not to Screw with you.’”

YEAH! HELL YEAH! FIRE IT UP!

Wait, what?

“Do you want to right to smoking or not”

Uhhhh, i don’t know. Yes? No? Which way did that random fat man vote? He looks trustworthy.

Speaking of random fat men…

Wow. 446,028 people have taken this quiz. That is truly amazing. And sad. Oh, so very sad.

All those bellies have me a little speechless.

Moving on!

I wanted to include this one because I love the clip art. Those two little sketches are supposed to represent personality types? A dude with a cane and a beret and an older woman in a floral dress.

Although now that I look at the woman a little closer, she is looking pretty sexy. Maybe she could rival Jessica Rabbit in that sexy toon quiz I mentioned above.

Huh? Pardon me? Maybe I can guess what this quiz is about using only the images. So it’s a hot pic of some young lovers next to a little clip art heart lifting weights. Maybe it’s “What do you think about during sex?” and the answer they got was “clip art hearts lifting weights”.

Yeah, probably not.

Really? An entire quiz devoted to Urban Cowboy? What’s next? The Welcome Back, Kotter quiz? The Look Who’s Talking quiz? Maybe the Battlefield Earth quiz?

Not cool.

I’m going to close it out with this gem. Between the quiz taker’s comment and the horribly photoshopped image, this one gets an A+++.

–

That’s all I got. If you made it all the way to the end with me then I applaud you. Please feel free to list any ridiculous quizzes you see in your facebook feeds in the comments. I love hearing about them.

If these quizzes keep popping up (and unfortunately, they probably will), I’ll be back for round 4 in a few weeks.

Until then, steer clear of quizzes. They’re a gateway drug.

It’s true.

Check out PART 1 and PART 2 for more facebook quiz commentary.

And click HERE to follow me on Twitter.

Tags: facebook, idiots, nerds, quizzes, waste of time

This entry was posted on Monday, August 10th, 2009 at 4:01 PM and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.