SCAM ALERT: Comal River bandits
Posted by drocolate on July 26th, 2009
This is actually the Guadalupe River, but all the pictures of the Comal sucked so deal with it.
This weekend I took some time off from my ITE duties and went down to float the Comal River in New Braunfels, TX.
Overall the experience was great, but because this isn’t a blog about great getaway weekend float trips I won’t go into that.
What I will get into though, is an alarming trend I noticed while floating — the trend of the Comal River bandits.
Let me explain.
On the Comal River float route there are three chutes where the floaters (hehe) get siphoned off into a small channel where they pick up speed and scream and wonder if they’re going to flip and die (in a good way). The first and third chutes were awesome.
The second chute, however, was pretty fucked up.
Here’s why:
1. It wasn’t a chute at all. It was a drop-off (or as I’m calling it — a “death drop”). It looked a lot like this:
2. It was lined with jagged rocks that were just waiting to cut/bruise/completely effing destroy anyone who defied them.
3. It was the home base for the Comal River bandits. Yep. The HQ.
Let me explain. More.
All around the death drop were these normal looking teenagers in snorkel masks. When I first passed them I thought they were hired lifeguard types that were there to aid in putting people’s brained skulls back together.
But no, they were actually shitty little bandit kids waiting for unsuspecting floaters (hehe again) to lose things like sunglasses and coolers while flying over the death drop.
You see, after going over mini-Niagra Falls most of the either-on-their-way-to-being-drunk-or-already-totally-fucked-up river-ers (I’m trying to avoid using “floaters” (hehehe) again) are in a state of mini-shock about the near death by drowning/head injury they just survived, so they don’t take stock of the overpriced sunglasses that just flew off of their face.
Oh, and if for some reason they do remember and ask one of the helpful looking snorkel kids to have a look for them, the kids will go under, pull up the lost item and then offer to give it back — for a price.
Let me explain. Even more.
One of my fellow floaters said that a friend of theirs had to pay one of these shitty bandits to get his glasses back a couple of years ago. Not cool, bandits! People gotta see!
So, to conclude, if you’re planning on floating the Comal River any time soon, or if you’re planning on floating any river, keep your eyes peeled for kids in snorkeling gear. They are not there to help you.
They are there to steal your shit.
THE END.
They are helping you. If you drop something into the river, especially right at that drop, without the proper gear you ain’t getting it back. The snorkelers happen to have the proper gear. You make a deal and they will go find your lost stuff—for a price.
Is that price reasonable? Well, how much would it cost and what are your chances of recovering if you do it yourself?
My guess is you don’t have any snorkeling equipment in your tube. So you wait until you float back to the car/pickup location before you can get back and go find snorkeling equipment. If you don’t have any, then you will have to go buy some, let’s say it is around $50.
Then you have to drive all the way back to the river, and back to the exact spot where you lost your stuff (yes I am aware there is a parking lot close so you may drive and won’t have to float back to the spot) before you can even begin to look.
No doubt at least a few hours have passed since your stuff took it fateful fall, and chances are the current of the water has changed your stuff’s location. Therefore, unless you get real lucky, you ain’t getting your stuff back even once you have the right equipment.
So you decide to save yourself the time/hassle/money and pay some kid to go get it for you. If you didn’t pay them, you would probably never get it back. Therefore, win-win. You get your stuff and they make a buck.
On a side note, there are not stealing. If you drop something into the river and leave it there, you have abandoned your property. No one owns abandoned property. If property is not owned, it cannot be stolen. Therefore, they may get the stuff and do what they wish with it.
The only bandits on the river are the tube rental places that charge $30 for a tube with a tiny little cooler. And the police officers who enforce the maximum beer allotment by pulling you over and making you pour out your excess beers that you were not able to chug as you saw them coming around the bend.
This post needs more poop jokes. Wait. Nevermind.
They are also under the water to get boob shots. Case in point… the kid who came up for air and giggled at the same time I came up for air the second time (after Matt R tube tackled me on the death drop) and attempted to put my bathing suit back on. Not cool kids, not cool.
The river bandits aren’t helping anyone but themselves! If they were truly helping people, they’d volunteer their services.
For the record, no one abandons their stuff in the river. They accidentally lose it. Their stuff doesn’t automatically belong to someone who finds it either. Finders keepers = stealing!
I will drown the river bandits. And I will drown you too, Ashnider.
Haha. Just kidding. But only about Ashnider. The bandits are fucking dead.
I almost lost a friend on the river, as he and our beer got caught in the undercurrent behind the chute. Naturally, with half the trip to go, the beer was a big priority for the rest of us. The snorkelers helped retrieve our friend, and did not charge for their trouble and we were able to save the beer and all lived happily ever after.
So the bandits are capable of good AND evil. They are a complicated breed.
Ashnider sounds like a former or current river bandit. Or a lawyer for one.
i just like the snorkels
More T’tip appearances!
Ashnider = Scott Stapp
OMG – I had this exact experience a few years ago. Our group typically goes tubing twice a year. A few years ago the Guadalupe was closed to tubing due to torrential rains, so we decided to float the Comal. NEVER AGAIN. I used to be a lifeguard (of course, I’m not in that shape anymore) and have floated rivers all my life. I navigated the first chute just fine – even helping a small kid get out of the whirlpool and back to his parents. So, when my husband noticed the upcoming “waterfall” he asked if I wanted to go over. There was a sign that said “Weak swimmers stay left”…BAHH! I’m no weak swimmer. Damn, was I wrong. I made it over the stinkin’ waterfall upright, only to be slammed into by someone else, causing me to tip over. I did not panic, as I have dumped over many a time before. I was wearing “river shoes” and I knew all I needed to do was to find bottom and push up. HAHAHA. The stupid floor is made of limestone and concrete so all I did was slide and start the churning process once more. It took me 3 tries to get out of the undercurrent and by that time I was spooked good. And to top it all off, I did loose my sunglasses to those stupid bandits – who did NOTHING to aid me or any of the other dozen folks who were half drowning. They didn’t even offer to give them back for a price – they said “finders keepers”. F them. Oddly, I am going back to the Guadalupe river this weekend. If our group decides to float the Comal, I will stay behind and enjoy my cold beer. Thanks for posting this!! It’s great to share floating horror stories with folks that understand! Cheers!!
Tracey,
Thanks for sharing! Between the death drop and the bandits that river is definitely not worth it.
The Guadalupe is awesome, though. No complaints on that one.
Thanks again for reading ITE!
Things White People Love
I hear all of you. There should be a lifeguard posted there at the falls, I personally have pulled out many people and dogs who looked like they were drowning! Really!
The key is to bend your legs and lean forward, stay on top of the water and use your arms to paddle yourself out! Otherwise, the water pulls your legs and you down! If you do go down, another tip is to simply go down to the bottom (8′), and then swim away from the falls.
As for the bandits, yes they are there, just be careful and keep hold onto your glasses before you go off the edge!
I have seen Water Mocasins (*spelling), near the main tube chute, yet not in the water, just near the rocks! So, there are several types of snakes in the Comal River! Peace!
Renting a snorkel does not mean that you have any right to charge individuals for their own property. I too have floated this river several times and had to chase after my boyfriend’s oakley sunglasses. If you happened to go snorkeling and find my property, give it back free of charge. It’s not abandoned property, it’s property that flew off my head when I hit the tube chute. If you want to play sleeze ball and spend your weekend scamming people’s beer and sunglasses instead of floating the river with your friends, that’s your choice. But throw my glasses back in the river and I’ll dive in to find them free of charge.
I’m glad at least one other person felt that drop. I felt like the Hulk was giving me a backbreaker!
I wouldn’t have minded one of those little bandits getting my beer and hat back though…
Is all about the shitty kids, that hang out around the falls, some of them looks like they don’t have a place to go or food to eat, but there are rude and don’t care if you are drowning, I’m a six year old kid.
Rookie floater. Tie ur shit down and that wont happen
Yep, Just happened to me EXACTLY & Pic of Death Drop is accurate as I remember. My first near death experiance
I’m glad you survived to tell the tale, SDR.
I agree with Ashnider. The teenagers in snorkel masks are not bandit kids. No. They provide a service to dumb asses with heads inserted in ani. Or… wait… did you vote for Obama? In that case, those kids are so mean! Even though the could and should be scoring, instead, they should provide free retrieval of lost goods, at no cost, just a thank you, young man.
I didn’t realize the actions of scumbag kids in the Comal river was a political topic. It’s a great insight into the Comal river economy, though.
I so encounterted the “bandits” on the comal river…and almost broke my neck!
If there’s anyone out there that wants to get together in the evenings and try to be a part of the solution, not the problem, post. I’m interested in tubing evenings, snorkeling, and cleaning up the river… We find stuff, turn it in, have a trash tube for empties…etc… No BS, just good people…
oh grow up, the second tube chute is to the left of the waterfall if you would pay attention and even if you go over the falls its only a 1 one foot drop tops. the snorkelers are helping you get your stuff back, and they expect you to pay for it because they are providing you a service, do you honestly expect them to do it for free, would you? they dont have to give the item back unless you can prove the item is yours, but i dought you have the recipt with you on the river, and if you did the first tube chute will take care of that. you know “finders keepers”
These bandits need to keep in mind….. my glock will withstand a day of floating.
Jody,
I think that most people if givin the chance would offer the kids money to get thier things out of the water, I know I would gladly offer them money. Now I’m sure there have been times that the owners of the items that were fished out of the water would have gladly paid money to get these items back if they had not left their money behind as most floaters do.
These kids could be doing us a great service if it was handeled fairly. But cheering kids on to scam people of their own belongings is totally wrong and we all know this.
A…… don’t know who you think you are fooling when say those kids are only there to help the floaters, unfortunately their actions tell us differently. My concern is I heard that these minors are also keeping alcoholic beverages and consuming them. So when you cheer these kids on remember your telling them that you support their wrong doings.
If a floaters has personal items go into the water you are not a dumb ass only human it happens, you are only a dumb ass if you believe these same thing can’t happen to you. If the table was turned how would these people like to pay $50.00 for their favorite NFL cap or shirt that already cost an arm & leg?
WE CAN BE BETTER THAN THIS!!