Top 5 untapped money-making ideas: July ’09 edition
Posted by drocolate on July 22nd, 2009In this economy there is nothing more valuable than an idea.
With that statement in mind, each month I’m going to be giving out five brand new, untapped money-making ideas that are sure to be instant goldmines. Feel free to grab them and make them your own. Just don’t forget who tipped you off in the first place.
I’ve got some good ones this month. Let’s get started.
#5: Bush and Bush Sing Bush and Bush While Eating Bush!
OMG! Best album cover EVER!
Oh hell yes! This one is inspired by some of the comments I got after posting my Bush sings Bush idea in last month’s untapped money makers. This package (it’s going to be like 12 discs… at least) includes the vocal talents of George W. Bush, George H.W. Bush, Kate Bush and the band Bush.
And, to increase the awesome level to a staggering new high, they will all be eating Bush’s Baked Beans while singing/talking.
Imagine the two Bush presidents giving their all on a tear-jerking duet version of Kate Bush’s This Woman’s Work. Damn. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.
Or how about Gavin Stefani Rossdale and the rest of those nameless dudes from Bush doing a rocking cover of George Bush senior’s Republican National Convention Acceptance Address from 1988 (such a showstopper!).
And as a bonus they can all collaborate on a soaring cover of La Bouche’s Be My Lover.
Damn. This is going to be huger than huge.
#4: The home plate key-hider
Check out how natural it looks.
FACT: People love to hide their keys.
Unfortunately old methods like hiding your key under the mat, or in a fake rock, or even in a fake piece of dog shit are getting worn out.
FACT: The first place burglars look for spare keys is in dog shit piles.
So, with that in mind, I’m introducing the home plate key-hider.
Just think about it for a second. What are some things that look totally natural in a front yard? Rocks? Maybe. A bird house? Perhaps. A fucking bad ass full scale replica of an MLB licensed home plate? Hell to the yes!
If you’re using the home plate key-hider burglars will approach your house, grab some keyless dog shit, remark at what a bad ass home plate you have and move on. They won’t even want to mess with you and they’ll put a bulletin up on their burglar e-forums that you’re cool and that your dog shit is key free.
And that’s a FACT.
#3: Wet Cement Advertising
Wet Cement Advertising (or WCA) is a new frontier in advertising. It’s pretty much exactly what it sounds like — advertising placed into wet cement.
Do you want your company’s website to be forever engraved into a downtown sidewalk? Call WCA. Maybe you want your resume to be written in forever-ink (that’s WCA slang) outside of your favorite company. Consider it done with WCA.
Still confused? Here, check out this example:
Just look at how good that looks. How professional it looks. Seriously, I can just smell the results.
CALL WCA TODAY!
Many thanks to SozaDesign for help with the logo on this one.
NEXT!
#2: The Ove’ Suit
You guys have heard of the Ove’ Glove right? It’s basically a bad ass heat proof glove that enables you to touch burning hot dishes and pans*. It’s freaking amazing.
Ok, now that we’re all on the same page, imagine if you had an entire suit made out of Ove’ material. You would be completely impervious to fire*. You would be able to rub your entire body over hot stuff like an oven or the sun without feeling any pain*. It would be grand.
If we had Ove’ Suits we could collectively stop fearing fire and start embracing it! FIRE COULD BE OUT GREATEST ALLY! YES! HAHAHAHA! OVE’ SUITS FOR EVERYONE!!!
Uhmmmmm, yeah.
*Claim not substantiated.
#1: A Crumblies Cookbook
A couple weeks ago we did a story about a free taco Long John Silver’s was throwing out there. The taco had a fish component, some sauce and something Long John Silver’s referred to as their “world famous crumblies”.
This really blew my mind. Those weird little fried balls of grease actually have a name? And that name is crumblies? Wow.
So, of course, I want to take crumblies to the next level with a cookbook devoted entirely to them.
Tired of turkey on Thanksgiving? Have a crumblie casserole! Feeding the kids chicken nuggets again? Fuck that, feed them crumblie stew!
This cookbook will have dozens of recipes and tips for crumblie cuisine.
Tips like:
- Did you know that if you mix crumblies and mayo you get a delicious concoction called mumblies? Fill your mouth with a spoonful of mayo and a handful of crumblies and enjoy! SNACK TIME JUST GOT TASTIER!
- Did you know that every fried food has a different flavor of crumblie? Fish crumblies and chicken crumblies are like night and day!
- Did you know that crumblies can actually be good for you? All you have to do is not eat them!
This cookbook is going to have it all. People will be reserving copies left and right.
It will be a crumblie cuisine coup d’etat.
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That’s all I’ve got this month. Take these ideas and run with them. Then, keep running until you’re pants are so full of awesome moneys and profits that you fall over. YES! MONEY!
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Need more untapped money-making ideas? Check it out:
I just mumblied in my pants. Thanks drocolate.
Crumblies??? We used to call them ‘crunchies’ back in the 80s, which I think is more appropriate (or appropriater). But I guess that was unofficial. R.I.P. Crunchies.
As a representative of Mumblies®, I’m going to need you to cease and desist with giving away our trade secrets. Mumblies® are more than just a healthy* snack for any occasion. They’re also great for people with an on-the-go lifestyle, are sold in a squeezable bottle option, and go well on anything from sandwiches to salads to desert topping. And coming soon, Chipotle Bacon Mumblies®, a zesty treat for every meal.
*Mumblies® not actually considered healthy even in that really messed up country. You know the one we’re talking about.
I’m with SurlyZ. They were and always will be “Crunchies”. It’s the mostest appropriatest. And for all the shit LJS may receive, I’ll gladly dine on some fish, fries, slaw and hushpuppies with “lots and lots of extra Crunchies” (as my dad would request into the drive-thru speaker on many a childhood trip to LJS for family dinner, take-out stylee).
Thank you.
There can never be too much Bush.
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