God, Guns, Guts and American Pick-up Trucks: The Genius of Mark Muller
Posted by guestblogger on July 17th, 2009NOTE: The following article comes from ITE guestblogger T-Bag.
At this point, my comprehension of America has resulted in throwing my hands in the air and taking a fifteen-minute break.
The reason:
Marketing genius Mark Muller, president of Missouri-based Max Motors, has come up with an amazing plan to sell cars and protect our children at the same time: “Buy a pick-up truck from my dealership… Go home with a brand-new AK-47.”
This man is a genius.
Okay. That’s not entirely true. Handing out free AKs to potential whackos is obviously a dangerous and irresponsible promotion. So Muller has put in place an inspired safeguard that gives you a “voucher” to your favorite local arms-dealer, who will then provide or deny your fully automatic assault rifle. But only after an extensive background check and confirmation you aren’t a meth-head.
Is my distaste for this a result of a neo-hipster status, or is this truly the first death rattle for American ingenuity and progress?
Here, you be the judge…
So here’s what I’ve learned:
- Jesus is awesome.
- Carol Costello replaced Campbell Brown as my favorite CNN chick for cavalierly stating she was a teenager “30 years ago.” Brutal honesty is always sexy.
- The slogan “God, Guns, Guts, and American Pick-Up Trucks” actually exists and sells a shitload of automobiles in Butler, MO.
- Either Muller recklessly breaks the speed limit or the local police force is filled with senior citizens. There’s no way it would take them fifteen minutes to get to a call if their vehicles were worth a damn.
- The reverse portrait of that gun-toting “Yosemite Sam” is actually a mural of three unarmed Native Americans with a “What, Us Worry?” bubble over their heads.
- Apparently, the only way to kill a meth-head is to shoot them repeatedly in the face with a Soviet-based machine gun. This is possibly to ensure their brains don’t split off and multiply.
I’m still not positive how I feel about this. On one hand, this seems to be the direct result of a failing middle class’ increased desperation and I can’t really judge it too harshly. On the other hand, this is the most fucked up and disgusting promotion in the history of everything.
What kind of place is Butler, MO like? Do they believe in the Wolfman? Are they afraid 2012 is real, even though it’s a pagan prophecy from a decimated civilization? Did everyone successfully switch over to digital before the June 12th deadline?
I don’t know. I don’t care. Like my gay best friend told me, “Missouri has joined Texas as far as states I will never visit.” While I made the case for Austin, I couldn’t successfully argue Missouri. All they’ve given us is Chuck Berry and limestone. Which is awesome, but not enough to justify valid contributions to modern society.
Perhaps you think I’m being too harsh and need to calm down…
Well, fuck you. I live in California. A state that’s slashing welfare, releasing inmates, and killing all programs that benefit poverty-stricken children… All to keep it’s bloated ass above water. Black-market weapons imported from the Midwest are the last things we need.
Okay. Okay. Maybe I’m being ridiculous. Butler must be filled to the brim with good citizens who just want to protect themselves and their families. Their actions or ideology won’t affect my life in any way. I mean, doesn’t the Max Motors mascot scream “tolerant and balanced society?”
Yeah, I’m entirely justified here.
Living in self-induced fear and panic,
T-Bag.
T-Bag resides in Los Angeles, California where he ironically supports the 2nd amendment and can’t make up his mind on whether America should raise or lower taxes.
Tags: cars, free, guestblog, guestblogger, guns, Mark Muller, missouri, T-Bag
Dear T-Bag,
You picked the wrong state.
http://bit.ly/t2KKX
Love,
T’tip
this guy should be president
It’s not merely a matter of vehicles. Police just rarely arrive at the scene on time. There is a huge discrepancy in the FBI’s crime victimization survey compared to reported crimes, because so many people (especially in crime-ridden neighborhoods) simply do not rely on the police. “911 is a joke” has some basis in reality.
I think this Mark Mueller is a communist.
Who else but a communist would sell a Soviet gun? Doe he have ties with the Russians? Why couldn’t he have picked a M1 Garand Semi-Automatic Rifle or the M1 carbine? Talk about taking meth-heads with American pride! I just don’t understand why he would have any ties with a machine gun that has been the symbol of rebel, leftist groups? According to wikipedia: “Western cultures, especially the United States, have seen the AK-47 most often in the hands of nations and groups the United States condemns; first the Soviet Army, then its Communist allies during the Korean and Vietnam Wars. During the 1980s, the Soviet Union became the principal arms dealer to countries embargoed by the United States, including many Middle Eastern nations such as Syria, Libya and Iran, who were willing to ally with the Soviet Union against U.S. interests. After the fall of the Soviet Union, AK-47s were sold both openly and on the black market to any group with cash, including drug cartels and dictatorial states, and most recently they have been seen in the hands of extremist factions such as the Taliban and Al-Qaida in Afghanistan and Iraq and even FARC guerrillas in Colombia. The AK-47 has thus garnered a reputation in Western nations as a symbol of anti-Americanism, and has gained a stereotypical role as the weapon of the enemy. In the United States, movie makers often arm criminals, gang members and terrorist characters with AKs.”
Anyhow, I think he’s a commie.
From all the positive press they’re getting I’d say you’re on the wrong side of this debate. Check out their eBay store, these guys don’t seem to have any problems selling cars. If the stories I’ve read are true they’ve actually been growing while other dealers are going out of business in droves. These guys ARE AWESOME and if you don’t understand why then you obviously miss the point (oh yeah, that CNN anchor is AS FAR FROM SEXY AS THE CRYPT KEEPER!)
“Like my gay best friend told me,” has replaced Uncle Olaf as #1 encoded intro for banal aphorisms.
T-Bag, you need to get your facts straight. These AK’s are NOT fully automatic. Why do you anti-gun tree hugging hippies always think that all guns are fully automatic? Also, these AK’s, even though designed in russia, are MADE is the UNITED STATES.
Instead of bitching about this, why dont you bitch about the bullshit going on in the hippie state of Mexifornia. I only hope that wonderful state falls off the face of earth on the next earthquake. By the way, Fuck off.
Hey Billy!
Thanks for your correction. In my haste, I asked a fellow co-worker if AKs were fully-automatic. He said they were and, thus, it was placed in my article. I will DEF fact-check all my articles from here on out.
As I believe in the 2nd amendment and disagree with nearly every decision the government of California has made in the three years I have lived here, I feel as if you might possibly be barking up the wrong tree-hugger.
Does it truly matter where these guns are made? Am I old fashioned? I’ve always believed that SEX, not violence, should sell cars… and beer… and Miley Cyrus movies.
Violence should be kept where it belongs. In video games and at your mother’s house.
Thanks for the feedback!
T-Bag.
Billy, (there’s one good ol’ boy cracker-jack name, eh?)
While those AKs in question may not be fully automatic, the AK-47 IS a fully-automatic assault rifle. I’m sure any frontline infantry soldier could corroborate that statement.
While the sale of fully automatic weapons to civilians is supposedly banned in the US, I’m sure you and the rest of your Branch Davidian friends can find ways around that. Think about it; you sound like a VERY intelligent person. I have the utmost faith in you.
All the best!
~FairGamer
I think Max Motors has an awesome idea! If I needed an new truck now I would definately fly down and buy one just to get an AK47. I for one believe that the direction our “political” leaders are taking our nation we will need all the self help we can get as far as protecting home and family from less desirables. As a mother I wouldn’t think twice about using my 2nd amendment rights and lethal force to protect my family from some asshole who thinks he has the right to take something of mine just because his welfare check isn’t enough to buy his beer, dope and a nice home as he bounces around in his getto car.
Please have your gay gest friend add Alaska to his list of places NOT to visit, we really don’t like his kind here either. We only appreciate real men. I love the fact that here I can strap my .454 to my side and go to the grocery store — just because I want to.
Also, please stay in California, with your warped Hollywood sense of what is right.
Ah, the good old American guuunn debate! I am bored at work and have a couple minutes to throw some probably irrelevant thoughts into the mix. 1) Well I would like to start off by saying that a couple of years ago my buddy and I actually converted his Kalashnikov to fully automatic. It was a fun fest and was quite easy to do. All you need is a wire and a little elbow grease. Though the AK-47 is no doubt awesome on fully automatic the accuracy is severely degraded. It’s really hard to hit people…I mean paper targets. A semi-automatic would be better suited to execute large amounts of kill shots on as many people in a short amount of time. But for what ever reason people go crazy bananas every time they hear FULLY AUTOMATIC. 2) I drive a Japanese Car…that doesn’t mean I bombed Pearl Harbor. I drive a Subaru. Subaru is owned by Fuji heavy industries. Fuji industries were the largest manufacturer of aircraft for the Japanese military during WW2. Selling/giving away/owning an AK doesn’t make that person a communist. People used the AK because its cheap to make, easy to use and durable…and phallic looking
Its just good business. One could probably link all sorts of things that they own to “symbols” or what not.
3) I guess what I am trying to say is I like 4wd wagons and that The Bottom Line is: Keep the government out of as many aspects of our lives as possible. Let the gun freaks have whatever they want and let the gays be happily married.
I think God might have a problem with him. Maybe Im wrong though. Maybe I have a different version of a bible than he does, or maybe hes such a good Christian that God has spoken directly to him? and has instructed him to sell guns in His name. Are we atheists as well as cowards if we dont own a gun or an American pickup truck? I shouldnt question this guy though. I meanIf you cant trust a car salesman, whom can you trust?
Im not against having guns around for self-defense, as long as they are kept out of access? to children. I just have a problem with this guy using God to sell guns, pickups, or anything for that matter. What do owning AK47s and American pickup trucks have to do with Christianity or with having “guts”? This guy gives Christians a bad name.
I want this guy to sell his dealership and run for public office. The more “tolerant and balanced” we try to make our society, the more meth-heads break into people’s houses looking for more dope, because they know that the society in which they live will “tolerate” their behavior. If a person wants to not arm themselves, and depend on law-enforcement to protect them, I say more power to them. Me, I might just put a bumper sticker on my American pickup that says “The only 9-1-1 call I need to make is chambering a round.” Mark ate this CNN reporter alive, because she does not have a leg to stand on in her argument. I am sure many people have a problem with the word God and guns being in the same sentence. These are the same people who believe that an inanimate piece of steel is “evil”. Mark lives in the real world, where he understands that the hearts of men are evil, and that our forefathers loved us enough to make provision for us to protect ourselves from such men.
loving living in a society where guns are only used for hunting and hardly for crimes … even less so for self protection. … if you want to kill some one use your hands or somthing sharp.. if you cant do it with in an arms reach you shouldnt do it