Shithead trading card #11: Carolyn Towns
Posted by drocolate on July 10th, 2009These days it seems like every time you check the news there is a story about a new despicable, money-vacuuming, upper-tier douchebag. Some are scamming people out of billions while some are just assholes doing asshole-ish things. It can all be a bit overwhelming.
With that in mind, I have decided to create some shithead trading cards. A set of the worst of the worst. Please print them off and use them as a reference whenever you get confused as to which common thief did what to whom when. Collect them all and trade with your friends!
Alright, let’s get right into it. Today’s shithead is taking the art of being a shithead to an entirely new level of shitheadness.
Carolyn Towns AKA Scum of the Earth
This one is bad. Real bad.
Former cemetery manager Carolyn Towns is accused of masterminding a scheme to resell burial plots inside the Burr Oak cemetery where she once worked.
The scheme went something like this:
1. Take coffins and bodies out of existing graves.
2. Dispose of said coffins and bodies in an adjacent field that had chest high grass to cover them up, or simply double-stack them on top of other bodies in preexisting graves. Yikes.
3. Resell newly vacant plots.
4. Make money.
Like I said, this woman is REAL bad.
A little history about Burr Oak Cemetery…
The Burr Oak cemetery is a famous cemetery in black history. It houses several civil rights figures including Emmett Till, a 14-year old black man who was killed for whistling at a white woman in 1955. His death is looked at as one of the galvanizing forces behind the civil rights movement in the region. His grave appears to have been left alone, but the same can’t be said for the graves of hundreds of others.
Yeah you read that right: hundreds.
Grave robbing isn’t the only reason why Carolyn Towns is a shithead…
And while I’m writing about Mr. Till, it turns out this isn’t Carolyn Towns’ first run-in with taking a shit all over his legacy.
In the beginning of ‘09, Mrs. Towns had been soliciting and accepting donations for an Emmett Till memorial museum. Unfortunately, because Mrs. Towns is the scum of the Earth, she allegedly pocketed all of those donations. It was actually this dubious donation debacle that led to the discovery of the grave recycling plot.
She had help…
Mrs. Towns did not act alone in this thing and her helpers deserve to be mentioned in this article. She had three gravediggers doing the actual desecration work for her. Their names were Keith Nicks, Terrence Nicks and Maurice Dailey. Click on their names to see some awesome pictures of them. Oh and I’m not sure if the two Nicks’ are of any relation to Stevie.
All in all, the four of them made roughly $300,000 through the scheme, which had probably been going on for at least four years. Eek. Bleh. Fuck.
“a special place in hell”
The whole things just makes me feel icky. And sad for humanity. And angry. And disturbed. And sad for humanity again.
Now all of the people who had loved ones buried in Burr Oak are descending upon the cemetery to find out if their loved ones are still in place. Jesse Jackson showed up to give a statement. Law enforcement and media are crawling the entire cemetery trying to find an angle. It’s an unbelievable cluster-fuck, and it’s all thanks to Carolyn “Scum of the Earth” Towns and her despicable money-making idea.
Yikes.
I think Jesse Jackson said it best:
“In my judgment, there should be no bail for them, there should be really a special place in hell for these graveyard thieves who have done so much, hurt these families.”
Agreed, Jesse. Agreed.
Get your Carolyn Towns shithead trading card now!
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Complete the set:
- #10: Angelo Mozilo
- #9: Teresa Tambunting
- #8: Marcus Schrenker
- #7: The AIG 73
- #6: Samuel Israel III
- #5: Annette Yeomans
- #4: Bernie Madoff
- #3: John Thain
- #2: Nadya Suleman
- #1: R. Allen Stanford
Tags: Carolyn Towns, chicago, grave robbing, Jesse Jackson, Shithead Trading Cards
[...] #11: Carolyn Towns [...]
[...] #11: Carolyn Towns [...]