Finally, Some Good News About Social Security. Well, Not Really. It’s Bad.
Posted by SurlyZ on July 7th, 2009
Carnegie Mellon researcher
To quote Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth, “Good news, everyone!”
Good news
Using just the date and location of your birth, we here at ITE, alongside researchers at Carnegie Mellon University, can guess your Social Security number! Have you ever seen such a magnificent trick? Step right up and see the amazing number-guessing mare! (We’re using a horse as the face of the game, but it’s really us feeding her the numbers.)
Bad news
The horse was just laid off by an Executive Committee trying to justify their jobs.
Hope you can read the job sites, horse.
Good news
Not only does this new discovery allow us to make a little extra scratch at carnivals and fairs, it allows us to steal identities!
Bad news
It allows us to steal identities.
You see, it’s all based on an algorithm. Actually, we’re not sure what an algorithm is. Something extremely interesting, we presume. But we do know this: The algorithm works best for those born in 1988 or after.
So that takes up back to…
Good news
Who gives a shit about 21 and under kids?
Bad news
The Carnegie Mellon discovery gives hackers new hope in finding ways to rob us all blind.
Good news
SurlyZ’s SSN is 459-12-5484.
Tags: Carnegie Mellon University, counting horse, identity theft, layoffs, Social Security number
