In This Economy?

Today is a really big day. No, not because it’s Michael Jackson tribute day eve. And not because it’s the first Monday after America’s 233rd birthday. No, today is a big day because today is the day that I learned about fake doctor’s notes for the first time.

Yep. You read that right. Fake doctor’s notes.

It turns out that the creation and distribution of fake doctor’s notes is a rapidly expanding industry on the (shady underbelly of the) Internet. You really need to check out some of the sites that shill these things to get the full effect. Here’s a few examples that I found in a brief search:

• www.drxnote.com
• www.thefakedoctorsnote.com
• www.bestfakedoctornote.com

Yeah. Wow.

So now we’re all on the same page. And by “on the same page” I mean we’re all completely and totally AMAZED by the existence of this industry. So now the only question that remains is: Where do I order my fake notes from?

That’s where ITE comes in. Below you’ll find a fake buyer’s guide to some of the best and worst fake doctor’s note sites on the Net. If you’re going to potentially get fired for pretending to be sick, you may as well use the best. Ok, let’s jump into it:

www.drxnote.com

This site is ok, but honestly, it’s really not the best if you’re looking for quality and variety in your forgeries. It seems like this site only has one note to offer, and that one note doesn’t seem to be very customizable.

What happens when you’re “sick” for a few days and you come back sunburned? You’re going to need a note from a dermatologist, and I just don’t think Dr. X can provide that.

This site does offer up the option to print off your own doctor’s note but I just can’t imagine that looking very legit. Plus, you might forget you printed it and leave it in the office printer for your boss to find. Yeah, that would not be good…

I like that clip art doctor a lot though. He’s a strong spokesman for fake doctors everywhere.

Check out Dr. X for yourself HERE.

ITE FAKE DOCTOR’S NOTE WEBSITE GRADE: C

www.thefakedoctorsnote.com

Wow. This site is really terrible.

From the “DOCTOR’S NOTES CHEAP” headline on top to the image of the dude cozying up under his grandma’s quilt, it’s all just so subpar.

When I am shopping for fake doctor’s notes I want a quality experience, not this schlock. Plus, the testimonials are really unconvincing. Here’s an example:

“Thanx dog!! ya’ll really got me out of some serious trouble. San Antonio TX.”

Ugh.

Dog? Thanks with an “x”? Someone is trying to sound a little too conversational. I’m not buying it! AND NEITHER IS MY BOSS! SHIT! I’M FIRED!

I will give them credit for one thing though: That URL is strong. No one else is THE fake doctors note. Nice work on that.

But everything else is crap. Check out the site HERE and see what I mean.

ITE FAKE DOCTOR’S NOTE WEBSITE GRADE: D+

www.bestfakedoctornote.com

This site is one of the best I’ve seen. When you first visit, you are instantly greeted with an assault on both your eyes and ears. There’s an annoying, Roger Lodge-ish sounding voice telling you all about the benefits of lying to your boss. There’s also a really sweet visual that merges images of actors in doctor clothes with images of people who are actually sick. I guess.

I mean check this dude out:

Is he sick? Is he faking it? If he’s faking it, why does he look like that? Is he a method liar?

This site offers 30 notes for $15. Yes, 30 notes. You get notes from:

• a fake podiatrist — Sorry boss, I gots me a foot ache!
• a fake gynocologist — Listen boss, I know I’m a dude but I had to get these sores checked out and the gyno was the only doc around!
• a fake pediatrician — My fake kid is fake sick! Fake holy shit!
• a fake funeral — Wow, that is REALLY fucked up. Wow.
• a fake urologist — The site puts it best: “Use this note to explain your frequent bathroom breaks. This excuse is one of our newer excuses with a very modern looking logo. Excellent for bladder infections, kidney stones, testicular cancer, kidney failure, prostate issues, erectile dysfunction.. you name it!”

And 25 more!

It’s a one-stop shop. I’m really not doing it justice. Check it out HERE, and make sure you read all the descriptions of the different notes. They are solid gold!

ITE FAKE DOCTOR’S NOTE WEBSITE GRADE: A-

www.in-this-economy.com

That’s right, everyone! We’re entering the fake doctor’s note game. And we’re giving our fake notes away for free! YEAH! TAKE THAT COMPETITORS! HAHAHA!

Check out the note below:

To get it just click on it to enlarge, and then print. Fill in your ailment after the “sick with:” area, then sign your name at the top and your doctor’s fake name at the bottom. I would recommend working a “Van” into your fake doc’s name. Something like Dr. Van Buren or Dr. Van Helsing. It just makes it sound way more real.

From there just take a three or four weeks off. You’ll be fine when you decide to come back because you’ll be armed with an ITE fake doctor’s note!

YES!!!!!

ITE FAKE DOCTOR’S NOTE WEBSITE GRADE: A+++ (GOLD STAR!)

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So there you have it. Next time you decide to risk your career by blatantly lying to your boss using a hastily constructed fake doctor’s note or funeral pamphlet (soooooo fucked up), make sure you go with the best.

Oh, and if for some reason you’re not comfortable lying to your boss but still want a day off, just put a finger down your throat and use the old “I can’t come in… I puked” excuse. Nobody wants a puker in the office!

Yeah.

I hope this has been helpful! See you next time!

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Tags: doctors, medicine, scam alert, waste of money

This entry was posted on Monday, July 6th, 2009 at 3:00 PM and is filed under Humor, WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.