The facebook quizzes just won’t stop.
Posted by drocolate on June 29th, 2009
A few weeks ago I commented on the state of facebook and its current quiz pandemic. Unfortunately, the condition isn’t getting any better. If anything, it’s getting worse. The quizzes just keep coming, and now they’re more absurd than ever before. These quizzes are killing facebook. KILLING! MURDER!
I’m just going to jump right into the examples.
And just like last time, these are all real.
Dumb
Sample question from this quiz:
Do you like art?
I’m not sure what the other possible outcomes are on this but I’m assuming douchebag, goth, roper, nerd, prep, chick who looks like a dude from far away but is actually a chick, momma’s boy and future serial killer are in the mix.
YOU ARE CANNABIS! HELL YEAH!
I know the picture on the right up there is marijuana, but what is the picture on the left? Crack? Meth? White Castle sliders?
After Michael Jackson’s death last week this quiz swept through facebook with the speed and intensity of a forest fire. I can only assume that this week, we will all be inundated with the “Which Billy Mays infomercial are you?” quiz.
Do I really need to say anything? Oh, I do? Ok.
A couple things on this one:
- Does the explanation really need to be that long? Do I need all of it? Couldn’t a totally useless phrase like “you exist through your need and use your strengths to quell your desires” be deleted?
- What’s with the text on top of the image of Luke and Han up there? What is “Profession Expertise”?
Weak sauce.
Really dumb
“One first sight people look at you and think you are just good looking and they’re right…”
One first sight? Fuck.
Dear facebook quiz makers: PLEASE PROOFREAD YOUR SWILL BEFORE GIVING IT TO THE WORLD! PLEASE!
Oh, and who gives a shit what crayon they are? Seriously?
Congrats! You are born to DO a hero! And that hero will be some sort of anime or Street Fighter character! Yay! I wanna fuck Blanka!
I like how the explanation is written in conversational slang.
“…we are not talkin bout becomin a super hero…”
Maybe the quiz author sent this whole quiz to facebook in a text message. Or maybe they’re just really dumb. Who knows.
Now it is very possible that this quiz is just over my head. I honestly didn’t realize there were different types of cowgirls. And if I was going to guess what these types would be I never would have guessed that one of them is the “Rock My World Little Country Girl!” type.
But wait…
My dad IS a farmer, and my mom LOVES to trail ride!! HOLY SHIT! I’M A ROCK MY WORLD LITTLE COUNTRY GIRL! TYPE OF COWGIRL!
Oh wait. Hold on. I never built stables for my My Little Ponies out of Legos. That’s soooo stupid.
Next!
Shit. Really?
So you go to the trouble to take this quiz and then you get some stinky bog as the outcome. Ouch. And then they throw Bowie up there just to rub your face in the fact that you didn’t get to be him. Or his too-tight pants.
-shudder-
I think we all know what Bernie Madoff’s result would be…
OMG dumb
What does your mind look like? Really? Doesn’t a quiz like this signal some sort of an ending to these quizzes? Doesn’t it show that we’ve basically run out of ideas? That our field-like minds are spent?
I guess not. Damn.
In theory this is a really sound quiz idea. I can’t lie. I hate facebook quizzes and even I’m a bit curious as to what my vacation destination would be.
Unfortunately, the explanation of the result is what kills it.
“You love the smell of 7 star“
That thing is written like one of those spam emails you get from a Viagra wholesaler. And what’s with the italics? I assume they’re talking about 7 star hotels? Do they have those in Dubai? And if they do, do they smell awesome?
Gah! So many unanswered questions!
Alright, actually, this quiz is kind of awesome.
But don’t tell anyone I said that…
WTF
Wow. This is some heavy shit.
Wow.
YOU ARE BOOBS ARE MASSIVE!
Again with the your/you’re troubles. Strong use of pics on this one though. The gal on the left and her impressive(ly disgusting) rack, and the weird pixelated clip art boob on the right really add a lot.
But seriously, what the fuck?
CONGRATS! Your neighborhood is swimming with pedophiles! Yay! Now publish this to your feed so everyone knows! Yay!
This quiz/test/WTF freaks me out. A lot.
–
That’s all I got. If you made it all the way to the end with me then I applaud you. Like last time, please feel free to list any ridiculous quizzes you see in your facebook feeds in the comments. I love hearing about them.
I really don’t see an end in sight for this pandemic, so, unfortunately, I’ll probably be back in a few weeks with more of these.
Until then, stay healthy and quiz free. Friends don’t let friends do facebook quizzes.
Yeah.
Oh, and one more thing: Click HERE to follow me on Twitter.
Tags: facebook, idiots, nerds, quizzes, waste of time
Have you seen the WHAT BIBLE BOOK are you? Tis a good one.
I haven’t seen that one but I have seen the “which bible character would you be?” quiz. The person who took it was Moses.
I know a lot of great people on facebook, but none of them are Moses great.
I’m sorry, but it’s true.
1) Chicks DO NOT dig capes.
2) You know you were waiting for that Labyrinth quiz, D.
3) I truly believe that drocolate is the author of that badass animal quiz.
4) If you want to know how big your boobs are, LOOK IN THE MIRROR. I’m just sayin’.
I can’t believe that you were able to leave the “infornt” from the hero quiz alone. That had to be tough. And I would definitely be the Slap-Chop..
You guys love the quizzes don’t you. Come on, come on. Confess.
A few of my favorites:
* The “How long would you survive in a horror movie” quiz — Cause I’ve always wanted to know if I’d run up the stairs and lock myself in a room if being chased by a homicidal maniac in a hockey mask.
* The “What’s your life rated? (G,PG,PG-13,R,NC-17)” — I really wish I were an NC-17.
* The “Which Chicago street are you?” — Because if finding out which state you REALLY belong in isn’t enough, now you can narrow it down to a street!
* The “What Board Game Is My Life?” quiz — Chutes and Ladders, Chutes and Ladders, Chutes and Ladders …
* The “What Baylor Law School professor are you?” — Is this what Baylor students do for fun?? So glad I went to Texas.
What iPhone app are you?
What iPhone case are you?
Which generation iPhone are you?
Which stock iPhone ringtone are you?
Oh yeah, and my boobs ARE MASSIVE!
@Nic — I hadn’t even noticed the “infornt”. I think I was becoming immune to the basic spelling and grammar errors the more I looked at those quizzes.
@socialnerdia — It’s a love hate thing definitely. But mostly hate.
Here’s a new one:
What type of underwear are you?
Check the Twitpic – http://twitpic.com/8wwrj
Here’s my new fav that one of my facebook friends just took: XXXXXXXXX took the IQ test quiz and the result is Good!!
So, she has a good IQ? What are the other results? Bad? Great? Ugly?
[...] took on Facebook quizzes for the first time (We would come back for more a second and a third time. We were drunk on our hatred of those damn [...]