In This Economy?

It’s time for another episode of Waste of Money.

Today I’m going to rant pointlessly about:

Olive Garden

Last Thursday the news came out that the Olive Garden restaurant chain would be pulling all of their advertising from Late Night with David Letterman because of his wildly inappropriate overblown jokes about Sarah Palin, and the controversy that followed them. Olive Garden (of course) came out the next day and said that they weren’t pulling the ads because of the Palin outrage jokes, but because their ad cycle had simply ended. Yeah, sure thing Olive Garden. I’m calling bullshit on that.

All of this got me thinking.

My first thought was: Fuck you, Olive Garden.

My second thought was: Those dudes need to learn to take a joke.

And then my third thought was: Eh, Dave is better off because the Olive Garden really sucks.

So here we are. Let me break this down:

THE OLIVE GARDEN SUCKS BECAUSE THEIR FOOD SUCKS.

You can go to the Olive Garden and have a decent meal. I can’t argue against that. But, you could also crack a can of Chef Boyardee and have a decent meal for a fraction of the cost. Yeah that’s right. I just compared Olive Garden to Chef Boyardee. NO MORE KID GLOVES!

Seriously though, I’ve always felt that any place that is known more for its salad and bread sticks than its food is a little suspect. You never hear someone rave about their ravioli or their chicken parmesan. Nope. Everyone just goes on and on about their bread sticks and their salad.

THEY MAKE IT AT THE TABLE! IT’S GOT ITALIAN DRESSING! IT’S SO GOOD! YUM!

If I wanted to eat salad and bread sticks as a meal, I’d go to a Wendy’s. In the eighties.

THE OLIVE GARDEN SUCKS BECAUSE THEIR ADVERTISING SUCKS.

Aw shit. Here we go.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 42 COMBOS!! HOLY FUCK!!!

Let’s look at another one:

HAHAHAHAHA! LET’S SWITCH OUR DINNERS! AND THEN LET’S POUR MINESTRONE ALL OVER EACH OTHER!! UHHHH!!!! HAHAHAHA!! LIFE IS AWESOME!

I was checking out the youtube comments on this one and this comment stood out:

“My entire family got the shits from this? terrible pre-made fake italian food. SLOP!”

Ugh.

Olive Garden has been running the same exact ad for 10-15 years now. They just change out the fresh-faced, family-friendly (alliteration!) actors and move a few words around in the script. Maybe dub in some info about a new luxuriously-named-yet-unbelievably-average entree at the end, not that that matters though because you’ll be so full after the salad and those bread sticks that you won’t even want to touch your venison picatta florentine.

GOODBYE OLIVE GARDEN!

I don’t normally do things like this but I’ve decided to completely boycott the Olive Garden for two reasons:

• Their was absolutely no need for them to stick their nose out there and get involved in this Sarah Palin non-story, but they did. I hope as a result of their publicity whoring bread stick sales at the Wasilla Olive Garden go through the roof. Unfortunately out here in “fake America” I’m just not having it.
• Their food is assy.

I would encourage all of you out there to follow my lead and stop eating average Italian food at the Garden of Olives. I guarantee you that no matter where you live there is a smaller mom and pop Italian place that is exponentially better. And those places probably know how to take a joke too, which is a bonus.

--

Previously on Waste of Money:

• Creed Concert Tickets
• Harem Pants
• X-Men Origins: Wolverine
• Creed’s New Album
• Rollerblades
• The Beatles Remastered Catalog
• George W. Bush Commemorative Merchandise
• Fast & Furious
• Snugglette
• Truck Nuts

Tags: David Letterman, idiots, Sarah Palin, waste of money, youtube

This entry was posted on Monday, June 22nd, 2009 at 10:27 AM and is filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.