Margaret King says Happy Birthday: Have some Poison!
Posted by logun on May 29th, 2009Something is wrong in the state of London. I blame TV.
Somewhere between Extreme Makeover, Desperate Housewives and Everything Ever Put on TV by E!, people have gone fucking bananas. 
So what has gotten me so enraged? This article.
The headline alone makes me want to run away from so-called civilization, live in a shanty and hold conversations with a best friend that I would make out of sticks, pine cones and my own hair:
‘I bought my daughter Botox jabs for her 18th birthday’… says mother who has spent £45,000 on plastic surgery
Read that one again, I’ll wait. Read it a few times, until you feel the bile rising in the back of your throat, because nutbag mother Margaret King has decided to welcome her daughter Jodie King to the cult of botox about twenty years before the girl should even have to think about wrinkles. So in an economy where people are losing their jobs every day, car dealerships are going under hourly and Shasta has become the drink of choice for the masses, this woman thinks her daughter needs a tighter forehead for the measly sum of $2,000 a jab.
Quiz time — Let’s name 5 things that are so damn wrong with this story that even I, a Jew, feel like going to confession this week:
Sin 1
Margaret King, 49, has already spent about $90,000 on plastic surgery, including a nose-job, two breast enlargements, a tummy tuck and a facelift. Lady, look around you, the world’s going to crap and all you can think about is your boobs…twice. I think if you need to spend that much to feel good about yourself, just hire an ugly personal assistant to follow you around and make you look better by comparison. Because at this point you’re not just ugly, you’re “$100,000 of plastic surgery couldn’t help” ugly.
Sin 2
This Picture:
There are 4 giant, shiny round objects in this picture, see if you can spot them all without gagging.
Now I realize you could land a Jumbo-fuckin-Jet on the runways these ladies call foreheads, but I have the feeling that their hairlines were not always so far up their heads. If the mother has one more facelift, she won’t be able to see out of those eyes, but she might acquire a nice goatee. Also, nice hand-tat, really let’s you know that this is family just full of good decision making skills.
Sin 3
Jodie King has already been getting Botox injections for a year (as if you couldn’t tell) and a doctor who obviously cares more about looks or paying off his boat than the well-being of his patients said there is no legal age limit for Botox and that “The decision is based on each individual patient.” This is probably the same doctor whose 12 year old has already had a boob-job because she just wasn’t as developed as the people on TV.
Sin 4
There is apparently one sane doctor somewhere in the mix who is obviously being completely ignored. Or maybe the Botox has just made it to their ears and frozen those too. Dr. Common Sense M.D., as I will call them, says this: “There is a real psychological danger. This is setting a precendent for using anti-ageing procedures for many years to come. The mother needs to be taking responsibility if she is encouraging her daughter to have injections into her face.” My rebuttal: No shit.
Sin 5
Mother and daughter already have plans for her future. The term Cougar comes to mind. But, in case you were wondering, they aren’t plans for college or thoughts about helping to build huts in Kuala Lumpur. No, these are important things: more surgeries. Mother Crazypants is already planning to buy her daughter a nose-job for her 21st birthday and has taken her to a consultation about a breast enlargement. So don’t worry honey, as long as you’re pretty enough to hold some rich guy’s attention, there’s no need to worry about learning a life skill or developing a personality. That’s something ugly people do.
Bonus Sin: A glimpse into their futures
Tags: injection, jodie king, margaret king, MILF, old, poison, wrinkles