In This Economy?

It’s time for another episode of Waste of Money.

Today I’m going to rant pointlessly about:

HAREM PANTS

HOTT!

Breadwinner: Hey everybody! Remember M.C. Hammer?

Everybody: Yeah!

Breadwinner: Remember his pants?

Everybody: Yeah!

Breadwinner: Want to drop $178 on a pair of those, pair them with some heels and hit the bars?

Everybody: Yeah!

Wait.

“Let’s not and say we did.” See — that was an example of an acceptable throwback. Whereas M.C. Hammer pants/harem pants are not.

I could keep my mouth shut through Doc Martin’s, girls wearing way-too-translucent-leggings as pants, and even those weirdly short, short fringe bangs, but this is over the line for me. This cannot stand. (Okay, so I didn’t actually keep my mouth shut about any of those…surprised?)

Let’s look at a sweet, sweet harem pants montage:

Anyway, in honor of this new/old trend/train wreck, I’ve compiled a list of ten way more cost-conscious products near-guaranteed to keep all those eligible men far, far away from you. Just like wearing those hideous things will.

TEN THINGS CHEAPER THAN $178 HAREM PANTS THAT ARE GUARANTEED TO KEEP MEN AWAY JUST AS WELL:

PRODUCT (COST)

10. Garlic (<$1)

Photo: Reuters

9. Too much perfume (<$1)

Photo: Woman's Day

8. Gaggle of giggling girls (self-respect)

Photo: dailymail.co.uk

7. “Crazy eyes” (FREE)

6. Lazy eye (FREE)

5. Camel toe (FREE)

4. Faux face tat (8 carnival tickets)

3. Wedding magazines ($5)

2. Pregnancy test ($15)

It's for a friend.

And the number one cheaper-than-harem-pants product guaranteed to keep a man away:

1. Puke on yourself (FREE)

Photo: SWNS

See? That was easy.

What’s next? built-in kneepads/elbow padded pants? Oh. My.

Photo: 3.bp.blogspot.com

Previously on Waste of Money:

* X-men Origins: Wolverine
* Rollerblades
* The Beatles Remastered Catalog
* George W. Bush Commemorative Merchandise
* Fast & Furious
* Snugglette
* Truck Nuts

Tags: garlic, girls, harem pants, lazy eyes, perfume, pregnancy test, puke, train wreck, uggs, wedding magazines

This entry was posted on Monday, May 18th, 2009 at 1:43 PM and is filed under WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.