R.I.P.: Animals Found Dead in Rich D-bag’s Yacht
Posted by breadwinner on May 15th, 2009
BONUS! cheetah hidden INSIDE!
Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today to mourn, remember and reflect upon the lives of the poor, innocent exotic animals that died needlessly due to some crazy billionaire’s love affair with the art of taxidermy and senseless murder.
All aboard the Dead Animal Express!!!
Decorative animal hides, stuffed heads and ivory carvings were among the endangered carnage found aboard billionaire Tamir Sapir’s mega yacht in Miami. Sapir’s opulent taste has now earned him a $150,000 fine (chump change, obvi) and most likely a soon-to-be PETA-delivered death warrant. The items have been described as “creepy” and “illegal” but I’m going to quit knocking the innocent items previously known as animals and just go ahead and call this guy Douchebag of the Week. Perhaps the Decade. I don’t know — I’m feeling generous.
Seriously, I can just imagine the episode of MTV Cribs featuring this dickhead. There’d be migrant worker children working furiously to scrub red PETA paint off this guy’s mansion-yacht while he takes four hours just to show the film crew his tusk assortment, arranged by size and then cross-categorized by weight. Dewey Decimal-style. Naturally.
Or perhaps the classic Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous is more his bag. If it’s a bag made entirely of endangered snake-hide that is!
Yeah. Sapir’s LOTRAF would be kinda like that. Except on a yacht with way more sweet skinz.
Looks like a sweet little man. Nope.
Let’s get back to the story. Sadly, even with Sapir’s snarling Bengal tiger head and snake-skinned cigar box, which were seized on Wednesday along with his other various deceased atrocities, he still recently fell to number 522 on the Forbes.com 500 Richest Americans list. How embarrassing!!
He was only worth about 1.4 billion when he tumbled off that list, and now I’m thinking he’s got little left to live for what with them taking his precious Bizarro-Noah’s arc away. He might as well turn his into a “decorative” snarling billionaire head now.
Let’s take a look at the gallery!
ivory carvings = illegal
More ivory...
Look how happy she looks!!
If it’s a list of 500, why come they got a 522?
Also, I’ve got writer’s block from a week of mistreating my brain and carcass. Forgive me, ITE?-ers.
He looks a little like the little dwarf dude from Twin Peaks with glasses.