Can’t find a real job? Get a fake one.
Posted by SurlyZ on May 6th, 2009
Dallas's finest
We know how badly the economy sucks right now. There’s more sucking than on a road trip with Charles Barkley. That’s why we’re bringing you this uplifting bit of advice: If you can’t get hired for a job, just start showing up to one.
Of course, you won’t be on the payroll, so you won’t be bringing home the bacon. But you’ll still feel way more productive and useful and vibrant and juicy than bacon alone could ever make you feel.
Now heeeeere comes the bacon segue… wait for it… no, not swine flu… just a few seconds more… and… SNAP! We give you the illustrious Dallas Police Department.
Operation: Bootstrap
Ryan Caskey didn’t sit around waiting for an interview. He didn’t waste time applying for a job. Hell, he didn’t even bother with the education, training or experience that would qualify a person to apply for a job. He wanted to be a cop, so, dadgummit, he wriggled his nose and became one.
Go-getter Ryan Caskey
According to The Dallas Morning News, Caskey, 22, told officers that he was a military police officer attached to an FBI task force. Dallas PD seemed a little suspicious at first, but then Caskey produced a badge and a gun and all the officers nodded and grunted their approval in unison. He must be who he says he is. Now let’s go shoot some bad guys!
To protect and to something or other
Caskey and some of the other officers had a grand old time racing through the streets, kicking in doors, handcuffing suspects and sexing up the hottest women in town (we have to assume).
But all good things must come to an end. A sergeant finally asked Caskey if he was legit. Caskey answered in the affirmative. The sergeant then asked if Caskey was too legit to quit. At this, Caskey reportedly yelled, “Unarmed minority!” and when the sergeant turned around and started indiscriminately firing his weapon, Caskey slipped out the back door and boarded the first plane to L.A.
Caskey has since been arrested. But we applaud his efforts to create something out of nothing. And he picked the right place to do it. Dallas cops couldn’t spot a fake if people’s lives depended on it. In fact, that’s their motto.
Tags: Dallas
Wait a sec I know that guy, he gave me a ticket the other day!
Seriously? Was the ticket written in crayon?
Damn you’re right it was written in crayon. That should have been the first sign that he wasn’t legit
THAT BASTARD!