FREE STUFF ALERT: Oprah Is Getting All Up in KFC’s Grill
Posted by SurlyZ on May 5th, 2009
Human baby meat?
Can you hear that sound? The one that reminds you of a white plantation owner spinning on a spit over a lake of fire? It’s the corpse of Colonel Harland Sanders wildly rolling over in his grave as KFC continues to move ever farther away from the fried deliciousness that warms and rots the cockles of my heart. First, they oh-so cleverly dropped “Fried” from their name. Now, they’re offering up non-fried (or “grilled”) chicken.
And that sound of nonstop chewing and swallowing? Oprah. It’s always Oprah.
Oprah... we think.
KFC along with Stepford Wives manufacturer Oprah Winfrey (do we still use her last name?) are teaming up to give us all free grilled chicken. Only this time, I don’t think you’ll be too excited if you find it under your chair.
You have until 10 p.m. CT on Wednesday, May 6 to download and print the coupon. Then you have until May 19 to cash it in for not one, not two, not three, but… oh wait, it’s two… two pieces of grilled chicken. But the Monkey’s Paw catch is this: The two pieces are the manager’s choice!!! And judging by the grade of chicken meat KFC usually serves, you could very well end up with grilled monkey’s paw.
And get this: You can’t use the coupon this Sunday. Why? Because it’s Mother’s Day and Oprah apparently hates mothers. (Rumor has it she demands the first born child of every soldier in her army and sells them to KFC for use as imitation monkey’s paw meat. ITE’s fact checkers are on the case.)
But why am I being so negative about free food? Free is free. I’m printing the coupon as we speak, and I’ll be stuffing my chicken hole as soon as I get off work. Uhhhh… I mean, I’m already off work and writing this on my own time. At home.
So if you doubt whether this Free Alert is worth it or not, just listen to the rave reviews from these braying jackasses:
Tags: free, grilled chicken, KFC, Monkey's Paw, oprah
Wait just one minute. There are only six herbs and/or spices in this KGC? Is that because spices seven through eleven are butter, lard, chicken fat, margarine and buttermilk? Those calories do add up…
They had to sacrifice something so they’d have time to carefully hand-paint the grill marks on each piece.
Mmmmmmmm paint!
I would pay three dollars to see the looks on their faces after the gingham tablecloth is removed to reveal it’s actually grilled baby they’re chomping on. Three dollars.
The guy with the jacket is a DICK. He should have joined her in singing the KFC song…KFC had a song???
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