Missy Quinn: You Just Can’t Fix Stupid
Posted by logun on April 23rd, 2009
She did what???
These are the end times people. This is the moment that future generations will look at on their space computers and say, “Wow, what a fucking joke that time period was!” Basically, future generations will look at us the same way we look at Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears, with disgust, pity and general confusion on how they happened in the first place. Babies hear this story and weep that they were born into this era. So why is this the worst of all possible moments? I have two words for you: Missy Quinn.
Long story short: a British 16-year old is getting married in a £100,000 wedding ceremony to a 17-year old. She designed the dress, has hopes of being a model, lives in a caravan and gives White Trash a whole new face. Let’s examine this giant waste of space from a few angles, shall we?
Angle 1: She has somehow convinced her father to spend over $140,000 on her wedding.
Now if he were a millionaire, it would just seem excessive to spend that much on a wedding directly in the middle of the biggest recession since the Great Depression. Bread lines are actually forming down the street from me and this guy’s been conned into a $145,000 expense for one day of drinking, cake, and, by the look of the wedding guests, quite a bit of vomiting. But he’s not a millionaire. He lives in a caravan (Read: British for double-wide trailer) and surfaces driveways for a living. What bank thought that this would be a great investment?
Angle 2: The dress that she designed herself at the relatively ridiculous cost of $22,000.
Strippers think this outfit is too revealing. Liberace rose up from the grave and asked her to tone it down. Joan Rivers tried to sell her on QVC.
Classy as fuck
Let’s move on.
Angle 3: She is 16 years old.
Yeah, most parents celebrate their daughter’s first boyfriend. But I’m pretty sure they don’t say, “He’s the one, snatch him up quick!” or “Find a man. You’re 16 already! What, do you want to be alone the rest of your life?” Luckily for her, she’s marrying a 17-year old, a male age well-known for getting a girl and staying faithful to her for the rest of their lives. And we all know how well those young relationships work out. Prediction: The father of the bride will still be paying off this wedding long after the groom leaves her with three kids, two black eyes and a mountain of bad checks. Obviously they don’t know that the entire world is in a recession.
Angle 4: Boobs
What the hell is with this family? Between Missy and her mother, there’s enough silicone for three Dolly Partons. That’s right, the woman on the left isn’t her slightly classier sister, it’s her mother. My best guess is that there was a buy-one, get-one-free offer on big fake tits and Daddy No-bucks on the right decided to get matching mother-daughter sweater torpedoes.
Angle 5: Planning for the Future
Don’t worry about this giant letdown of humanity, Missy has big plans. Even though she hasn’t been back to school since she was 9, we can already see how her clothes designing skills would come into play. But no, Missy has her heart set on being a glamour model…of course she does. Somewhere between her sunset orange skintone, cottage cheese midsection and the fact that her husband has probably already gotten her and three of the bridesmaids pregnant, I highly doubt I’ll be seeing her in a Victoria’s Secret catalogue in the near future.
And be sure to check out the rest of the wedding party, because nothing says ‘My Perfect Day’ like tiny hooker bridesmaids and 6-year olds in tank tops.
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In the picture of the bride and groom up there, the other dude, who I guess is someone’s dad, appears to be holding a disembodied child arm.
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The bride’s mom is hot. That’s all.
In the UK a “glamour model” is not a regular model but rather a topless or nude pinup (i.e. page 3 girl)
[...] Have some Poison! Posted by logun on May 29th, 2009 // Something is wrong in the state of London. I blame [...]
Proof that someone has been peeing in the gene pool.
To all you puzzled Yanks out there, these folks are Pikies, more correctly called Travelers these days.
In countries more civilized than your own, people doing rough work get paid a lot of money, because no-one really likes fixing roads. Living in a trailer need not equate to having no money, as in USA.
Travelers have a fairly different culture from mainstream English and Irish, there is not a big need for real estate because their work needs them to move constantly. All the money goes into cars, caravans and celebrations like this one.
Further,the girls may dress outlandishly, but they don’t drink alcohol until after they are married, so predicting vomiting on the basis of dress is way off mark.
Their culture is bizarre, but then so is the strange conduct that passes for culture in the USA. Best do some reading.
And if most people did research, they would find that the travellers are basically criminals, con-men and thieves. Try to find the story where a girl and her brother tried to sue Disney World because she was raped at one of their properties. White trash by any other name…
Sorry I couldn’t get back to you sooner Brutus, I was doing a bit more research on the story:
1. It seems that not only was Missy drunk while making this dress, the designer was high as a kite, the seamstress was stoned off her ass and her mother was so shit-faced that she threw up all over the more revealing original design.
2. What country is more civilized than America? We have Baconnaise
3. This is not a commentary on a nation of travelers (Spelled P-I-K-E-Y by the way), this is a commentary on giant wastes of money on a marriage that will most likely last only slightly longer than the honeymoon.
4. This is what everyone I interviewed over the phone sounded like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LJw6PAi5Q8
Logun you are incredibly funny. Brilliant piece of sarcasm on this ridiculous story. Your answer to Brutus was perfect and ending it with the Youtube link was a masterpiece. Had me giggling uncontrollably.
I’m glad at least one intelligent and no doubt highly attractive fan enjoyed my response.
im a Traveler and im proud to be one missy your dress is fab i want someting like that i think your lovely lookin girl so dont mind any of them buffers.xxxxx
i tink missy looked absoultly lovley her dress is outstandin ans so is she ….xxxxx
I think Brownie needs to lay off the sauce. The Spelling is horrible
I actually feel sorry for this lot. They have no future and im sure in a few years that missy will be doing porn to make ends meet. Go figure
Missy luked unhuman n he ha a grand weddin I tink ya cuntry folk need ta stop judgin us trvelers. Xx
i think people should give this girl a break. ok it’s everyone’s choice of dress, but its the dress she wanted(it was her dream dress)
i thinks it is just cruel calling her and her family for all that has ever walked. i will give the girl 1 things she had guts to wear that dress. and know what good on her.most people can only wish to have a wedding like that. with *SOME* people jealously is their problem
emilyanne delaney – i think you “trvelers” need to gain an education preferably one that rivels children in only their fifth year. and carrie – no one looks good in that dress it is something you would find in an incredibly trashy gentlemen’s club. also no dissing america i have lived all over britain, ireland, germany, africa, south america, and the united states and in all honesty you “trvelers” are some of the trashiest people i have ever known. by the way there is a difference between shortening your typing and making it completely incomprehensible…by the way it means you are not able to understand it…thought i would add that for those of you who have not been to school since you were nine years old
To those of you saying, “it’s her wedding, she should wear what she wants.” See that’s just it. No one is saying that they should dictate what she wears at her own wedding. What we are saying it that her (immature) choice of attire (for her and her bridesmaids) is deplorable. She dresses like a slutty clown and based on her mothers dress we know where she got it from. This girl and all her family and friends are the laughing stock of the internet. They are classless fools who are the poster children for white trash Pikeys. Way to keep the stereotypes alive and kicking.
well i just think our jelouse becouse we have respect in our selves we have more respect in our one little finger then what you have in your whole body so before you judge take a long hard loook in the mirror
frances:
I’m sure he’s very jealous of the orange fake tan. I wonder, do you pikies have competitions for who most resembles an oompa loompa?
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