Collecting bad debts is so easy cavemen are already doing it
Posted by SurlyZ on April 23rd, 2009Good news for those of us who don’t pay our bills: Collection agencies can track you on MySpace. Why is this good? I’ll get to that.
This story takes place in the home state of our first Muslim president: Illinois.
Mr. James Ricobene (presumably pronounced like the name of the Panamanian spy in my graphic novel series, The Rico Bean Chronicles) fell behind in the payments on his luxury SUV. Oh, the sweet irony from a guy who is apparently the president of a business called Cash Flow Consultants Inc.
Notorious irony haters JPMorgan Chase then retained a company called Universal Tracing Services, Inc. to track down Ricobene and attempt to repo the vehicle. Standard. Totally understandable. Maybe even heroic.
Calling Chris Hansen
But that’s when things took a creepy To Catch a Predator-like turn. According to Ricobene, a Universal Tracing employee found Ricobene’s daughter on MySpace and posted the following long-ass comment:
We have been retained by, JPMorgan Chase Bank, to locate and repossess their missing collateral a 2007 Mercedes GL 450. Please contact our office immediately so we can discuss the peaceful recovery of the collateral. Failure to contact me will result in further action against your father James Ricobene. Legal options range from having a replevin order served on you or even worse reporting the collateral as stolen to local authorities in Illinois under the A.R.S. act 18-5-504. Failure to comply with this notice of surrender is a class 5 felony and carries a maximum penalty of imprisonment for two years plus all applicable surcharges. You must contact the writer within 5 days to prevent this action from taking place. You can contact me directly at 800-667-7704 ext 222 or directly at 604-267-1581 ext. 222
Awaiting your immediate response.
Chris Flanagan
Senior investigator
You have no idea how much Internet tail Chris Flanagan bags just from using words like “replevin” and “I’ll send your dad to prison.” But this time it backfired. I guess some girls don’t have daddy issues, Chris. (Universal Tracing’s president said he has no Chris Flanagan on his staff. But their website does say they’re hiring if you are looking for a career steeped in schadenfreude.)
Now, Ricobene is suing JPMorgan Chase and Universal Tracing Services for unlawful collection practices (see document below). A win in court could pay off his Mercedes.
The Moral of the Story
Soooo… why is all of this a good thing for debtors like you and me? It’s because no one uses MySpace anymore, meaning that collection agencies are two steps behind the times. Everyone is happy! Creditors are hurling threats into Rupert Murdoch’s technological black hole, while you’re Tweeting your way to Mexico in the bank’s car.
Actual court filing:
Chase Collect
Tags: JPMorgan Chase, MySpace, repo, Universal Tracing Services
Great use of Hartman. R.I.P.
YOU MIISED THE WHOLE POINT OF THE LAWSUIT HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THREATS MAID TO YOUR FAMIY IF YOU OVERLOOK A BILL—–AND BY THE WAY DO YOUR HOMEWORK THE NAME RICOBENE IS ITALIAN—- LIKE RICOBENE” RESTURANTS IN CHICAGO ILLINOIS—DUMMY
Good stuff…I especially like your graphic novel series.
DUMMEE!
In response to the eloquent comment from Mr Brussels:
a) I’m not sure what my maid has to do with this, and
b) you’ve just won a properly functioning keyboard from ITE!!! Please check the MySpace site of James Rico Bean’s daughter for details.
I went to CHICAGO ILLINOIS-DUMMY and no one can pronounce that resturant name. I’ll try Brussels.
much more awesome:
http://tpmmuckraker.talkingpointsmemo.com/2009/05/the_fatal_attraction_method_of_debt_collection.php?ref=fp1
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