4 more reasons why R. Allen Stanford is a shithead
Posted by drocolate on April 7th, 2009
If you’ve been following this blog for a while then you know that I’m not a huge fan of R. Allen Stanford. Go HERE or HERE or HERE to see what I’m talking about.
My love/hate affair with him all started a few months back with the allegations that he Ponzi’d away $8 billion. Then it was revealed that he owed about $226 million in back taxes, and now he’s done an impromptu interview with ABC news (outside of some restaurant…a Bennigan’s perhaps?) about how hard his life is. This interview has given me 4 more reasons why R. Allen Stanford (or as he’s known around here — Sir Shithead) totally and completely sucks.
1. He’s a cry-baby
Sir Shithead spoke with Brian Ross of ABC News. In the interview that followed he proceeded to cry off and on throughout, and he really got emotional when describing how the fraud allegations had caused Forbes magazine to drop him from the 405th spot on their world’s richest people list.
He shouldn’t be so sad about the list thing though, if he gets convicted he’ll be #2 on the Ponzi douchebag money ShamWow list.
2. He’s so innocent
This brings us to #2 — his apparent innocence. The perpetually blubbering Mr. Stanford told Brian Ross that he expects an indictment any time now. He also claimed that all the allegations against him are, to use his terminology, “baloney”. He’s currently gathering an OJ-caliber legal team to fight for him. I picture these dudes wearing like a 1,000 gallons of hat and a mile of bolo-tie.
His biggest point when defending his innocence is the fact that the SEC has found billions of dollars in holdings inside his banks. This is irregular because in most Ponzi schemes there is no real money to be found anywhere. It’s all made up (see Madoff for an example of this). The SEC claims that of the $8 billy that Sir Shithead supposedly stole, only $500 million has been found. I guess only time will tell…but at this point I’d be willing to put my money on the SEC.
And honestly, at this point, even if he didn’t do any Ponzi-ing at all, he’s still a total shithead because of things like the next point on this list.
3. He’s been flying commercial
According to what he says in this interview, he’s running out of money. The financial strain all these investigations are putting on him has forced him to enter into the you’ve-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me-you-want-me-to-sit-there? world of commercial air travel. Just recently he was forced to fly commercial for the first time in two decades after the government seized his six private jets (WTF? Six? Who needs six jets?). The experience did not go well. He had this to say about airport security:
“They make you take your shoes off and everything, it’s terrible…”
Boo fucking hoo. So you kick your overpriced loafers off for a few seconds. Deal with it. The best thing of all is that I’m sure he flew in first class. And if he thought that was ghastly we need to put him in coach for a few hours sandwiched between a chain smoker and a smelly person. That’s flying how most of us (unfortunately) know it.
4. He’s violent
Mr. Ross asked Mr. Stanford about the alleged connections he may have to the Mexican drug cartels. Sir Shithead responded to this query with:
“If you say it to my face again, I will punch you in the mouth.”
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not cool, man. Brian Ross is just trying to get to the bottom of things. He’s on your side. No need to be a dick.
Unless he hit a nerve because it’s true…
DRAMA!!! INTRIGUE!!! SHITHEADS!!!
Watch the interview in its entirety tonight on World News Tonight with Charles Gibson at 5:30 p.m.
Tags: Brian Ross, cartels, Charles Gibson, interviews, ponzi, R. Allen Stanford
I SWEAR this dude looks like an old boss of mine. Spitting image, I tell ya!
This guy puts both the “Sham” and the “WoW” in ShamWoW. Amazing.
this is complete crap. the guy has been closed down. what the SEC has alleged has given a couple of other countries the “right” to nationalise his banks. he has not even been charged criminally. why not just send him to the bay in cuba. guilty 1st proof later. that is just not good enough. the going concern of those businesses is lost. even if they find nothing they will need to fabricate it. the process taken is nazi. thank the Good Lord I do not live in that place called the USA where freedome and government is a scam
[...] the months that followed he was seen crying on TV, not paying hundreds of thousands of dollars in taxes and most recently — spitting blood into a [...]