Vin Diesel and Paul Walker are responsible for the recession
Posted by drocolate on April 6th, 2009
Much to my horror/amazement, Fast & Furious made $72.5 million this weekend at the box office. I can only assume that the people who saw it arrived in truck nutted vehicles, smoking George W. Bush cigars and wearing Snuggies/Snugglettes.
Seriously though, $72.5 million?!?! In this economy? I now have no choice but to start blaming FF4‘s two principle stars, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker (or as I prefer to call him — the Paul Walker robot), for our country’s current recession.
The $72.5 million that was spent seeing this intelligence vacuum could have been spent on so many other, more worthwhile things. Like healthcare or charity or beer or gasoline or porn or Christmas decorations or toothpaste or Windex or plastic cutlery or this thing or this thing or aluminum siding or a chandelier for your closet or this new HEALTH 7″ or some Cap’n Crunch or a Vespa or a vacation or a staycation or your retirement or pens or a jumprope or a mandolin or toilet paper or Burger King gift certificates or a new phone plan or Point Break on DVD or vitamins or compact fluorescent lightbulbs or Dr. Pepper or your student loans or, well, or a lot of other things.
But no. That money was all spent seeing FF4. Such a shame.
It’s not all bad news though because this weekend’s box office explosion shows that Obama’s stimulus money is obviously getting spent. I guess we can give him an executive producer credit on the inevitable fifth Fast and Furious movie (shudder). What will it be called? How about:
- Faster and more furiouser then everer
- Fast as fuck
- So fast and filled with a fury of fastness
- Fast Furious Five (FFF)
- Point Break 2: Cars are the new surfboards
Only time will tell. But until then:
SHAME ON YOU, VIN DIESEL AND PAUL WALKER ROBOT!
Tags: Fast & Furious, idiots, Paul Walker robot, porn, vin diesel, waste of money
That Health track is fucking sick.
Fast and Furious: The Fifth Sense
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Just because money is a little tight for some doesn’t mean people can’t enjoy themselves. Some people like racing movies.
Though I thought that the article was funny, and I certainly laughed, I have to agree with payday loans. People do need to enjoy themselves, and if you think about how much a movie ticket is, its not really that much per person.