ShamWTF — Vince Gets Slapped With A Felony
Posted by breadwinner on March 31st, 2009“Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life.” – Vince the ShamWoW guy, 2008
Photo: wendyista.blogspot.com
On this blog we talk a lot about money ShamWoWs, people who can’t get enough of that stuff. They soak it up like a good, German-made ShamWOW would soak up cola.
Well, in a shocking turn of events it seems the salesman of said ShamWoWs had hate in his heart and money to burn. At least $1680 of it, actually. Allow me to explain…
On February 7th, Vince Shlomi (fab name, BTW) the award-winning TV personality of ShamWoW and Slap Chop notoriety was arrested for Slap Chopping the heck out of a hooker. In all fairness, she bit him first.
"BEFORE" Photo: MSNBC
"BEFORE" Photo: MSNBC
Accused: Vince Shlomi AKA The ShamWOW Guy
Location: Miami Beach
Hotspot: Nightclub
Hooker: Sasha Harris
Proposition: $1000 in exchange for “straight sex”
Those are the basics. Vince offered to take Sasha back to his $750 per night hotel and do the “Horizontal Quick Chop” with him for a grand.
I like to think his pick up line was, “You’ve GOTTA see my nuts!” No?
Anyway, they head back to said hotel room at 4am, presumably do the deed, but somehow Vince gets his tongue stuck in the hooker’s vice-grip teeth and decides to go all Chris Brown on her until she lets go. Too soon? But seriously, there’s some unfortunate photos floating around the Internet, which bring back memories…
The cops found $930 in Sasha Harris’ purse upon arrest. I’m thinking Shlomi didn’t have the full grand on him, but instead offered her a few $19.95 sets of ShamWOWs plus a Slap Chop to make up the difference. That’s like — what —twenty ShamWOWs, a Slap Chop AND the free Graty for grating cheese? Now that’s a great value.
Oh and in the end, both Shlomi and Harris were charged with felony aggravated battery, but no formal charges have been filed.
Personally, I’m LOVING how MSNBC chose to report this story — peppering quotes from the ShamWoW infomercials throughout like little nuggets of inappropriateness. Delish! Also, the report itself is so gosh darn hilarious that the cameraman simply cannot stop himself from letting short bursts of laughter escape every few seconds throughout. MSNBC = Amateur Hour.
And with that, I’m thinking this guy’s career is over, just like the Dell Dude.
Tags: hooker, msnbc, nuts, sasha harris, ShamWow, Slap Chop, vince shlomi
awwwwww, man. Why’d you have to bring the DELL Dude into this?
Vince is innocent.
We all know the real culprit is GRATY!
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