In This Economy?

In keeping with the completely accidental theme of shithead updates, here’s the latest news on the prince of Ponzi himself: Bernie Madoff.

King Shithead pleaded guilty to eleven counts of fraud today. He was denied bail and was taken away in handcuffs. After that he was taken out back, where Kevin Bacon and Elie Wiesel took turns punching him in the stomach for about 30 minutes.

Bernie Larry will now go off and contemplate the universe in a jail cell for about three months before his trial begins. If When he’s convicted of all eleven fraud counts he could face up to 150 years in prison. That’s like a year for every $333,000,000 he stole. Roughly.

Mr. Madoff also made his first public comments in months today, saying:

“I operated a Ponzi scheme, I thought it would end quickly, but it proved impossible, I am ashamed for these criminal acts. I always knew this day would come.”

Wait, he knew this day would come? Maybe he can start all over in the year 2159 (he’ll only be 220 years old) as a psychic. How cool would that be? Bernie the psychic.

Yeah, it’s not really that cool.

Enjoy jail, Bernie.

Tags: bernie madoff, fraud, Hoggle, ponzi

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 12th, 2009 at 10:58 AM and is filed under Good News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.