In This Economy?

These days it seems like every time you check the news there is a story about a new despicable, money-vacuuming, upper-tier douchebag. Some are scamming people out of billions while some are just assholes doing asshole-ish things. It can all be a bit overwhelming.

With that in mind, I have decided to create some shithead trading cards. A set of the worst of the worst. Please print them off and use them as a reference whenever you get confused as to which common thief did what to whom when. Collect them all and trade with your friends!

Alright, let’s talk about someone you may not have heard of. Some fresh meat.

Annette Yeomans AKA Shoe Bitch

Annette Yeomans is the former CFO of a small company in San Diego called Quality Woodworks, Inc. She was arrested on Monday for embezzling $9.9 million from the company over seven years.

Now I understand that when compared to titans of shithead-ness like Bernie Larry Madoff and John Thain, Mrs. Yeomans looks small time. However, thanks to the destruction she did to her company and the way she spent the embezzled money, she had to be immortalized as a shithead trading card.

Alright, let’s rewind to about a year ago. Mrs. Yeomans’ credit card company put in a call to Quality Woodworks Inc. to ask about something weird. Apparently, Annette had been paying off her monstrous credit card bill with company checks. Each week she was charging around $25,000 to the card and then paying it all off with the company’s money via company checks. And because Mrs. Yeomans was the cheif financial officer  she had the power and means to hide this little theft habit from everyone else in the company. It was a good scam, but like most scammers, she got greedy.

The timeline of her embezzlement has not been released but I’d like to assume she started out relatively slow back in ’02, skimming a small amount here and there. Eventually she got into such a groove that, somehow, stealing $25,000 a week didn’t seem wrong to her at all.

And if you needed further proof of what a disgusting, cold-blooded asshole she was you can look to the following facts:

• Quality Woodworks, Inc. had to lay off staff while she was CFO solely because of the losses they were incurring due to her embezzlement.
• Quality Woodworks, Inc. had to stop rewarding their employees with promotions, raises and bonuses because, once again thanks to Shoe Bitch’s theft addiction, the money wasn’t there.
• I can only assume her embezzlement also led to the geocities-esque look and feel of the Quality Woodworks, Inc. Homepage. Damn, this thing is bad, though I’m glad it has that sweet counter at the bottom left. I was the 375th visitor!

Wow. And even after those three things she still continued to steal and lie. That is so ice cold.

And what was she buying with the money? Well, that’s when it all get’s REALLY fun. Investigators found 400 pairs of shoes in her closet, some of which cost as much as $4,000. I guess there’s nothing weird about the CFO of a woodworking company wearing a used car on her feet. Oh wait, yeah there is.

But I’m just getting started. She also had 160 high-end purses valued at around $2,000 each. And the closet where all of this plundered booty was housed? Well she dumped some money into that too. She took a bedroom in her home and converted it into a closet. She also added standard closet accessories like granite countertops, ornate cabinetry, a 32-inch plasma television (huh?) and a crystal chandelier (WTF?!?!).

Oh and she also gambled away $6 million.

Yeah, that’s right. $6 million. Ice cold.

One other thing to note: Supposedly she was acting alone the entire time. Supposedly, no one else at Quality Woodworks, Inc. knew about her little enterprise. And supposedly her husband was completely oblivious as well. Yeah, sure. I’m calling bullshit on both counts. A company doesn’t just lose nearly $10 million over a seven year period without people noticing. Unless Shoe Bitch was doing some truly amazing things to hide that money it just seems like a stretch to say that she acted alone. And the husband? Was he not suspicious every time he walked into the closet with the chandelier in it? It’s a closet with a fucking chandelier in it. That’s not odd at all to you, man? Your wife works for a glorified lumber company. Put it together, dude.

But hey, at the end of the day, she’s the one who got caught so she’s the only shithead here.

Oh, and I apologize for the crappy picture. It was literally the only picture of Shoe Bitch I could find. Mrs. Yeomans doesn’t have a huge footprint on the InterWebs. Well, until now that is.

UPDATE: ITE received a photo of Mrs. Yeomans and her husband from an anonymous source. Check it out HERE.

Get your Annette Yeomans shithead trading card now!

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Complete the set:

• #4: Bernie Madoff
• #3: John Thain
• #2: Nadya Suleman
• #1: R. Allen Stanford

Tags: Annette Yeomans, embezzlement, Quality Woodworks Inc., Shithead Trading Cards, shoes

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 10th, 2009 at 4:18 PM and is filed under Shithead Trading Cards. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.