Coke Pulls An Idea Out Of…Well, You Know
Posted by logun on March 9th, 2009So we got word today that Coca-Cola apparently has a new offer to try and boost sales of Vault, their flagship extreme drink/soda that turns your pee phosphorescent. I say apparently because I can’t seem to find any mention of it on either the promo section of the official Vault site or Coca-Cola’s giant, fuzzy turd of a website. I mean, seriously Coke? You’re a multi-billion dollar company and every image on your page makes me think I need an eye exam. 
So here’s the offer: Get a 16, 20, or 24-ounce Vault FREE when you purchase any 20-ounce Mountain Dew, coupled with the brilliant tagline: Don’t Dew It.
Guess what Coke? To get your offer, they have to Dew It. In fact, they just Dew’d It and decided that Mountain Dew, even with its testicle shrinking Yellow No. 5 color, is better than your half-assed resurrection of the glorious drink that was Surge. According to the InterWeb, coupons are being used something like 1500% more than last year. But wouldn’t it make more sense to just give away Vault for a few weeks instead of their plan to give away Vault while filling the coffers of their sworn enemy, Pepsi? And what are they hoping to accomplish by billing it as the “Vault Taste Challenge”? From over 4 minutes of diligent searching on the web, I have yet to find a site where you could say you took the “challenge,” declare any sort of winner or even print out the damn coupon.
This looks to be just another one of Coke’s giant blunders in the making. First there was new Coke, then Coke Lemon and Coke Vanilla. They even took the cocaine out of Coke’s recipe, the very thing that made us love, nay crave, Coke in the first place. Just because Pepsi does something, it doesn’t mean you need to Dew it, too. If history has taught us anything, it’s that Soda Wars cause bad judgement and millions of dollars lost for shareholders. So no Coke, I’m not going to Dew this. I’m not going to Dew anything. You go back to the drawing board, Dew some research on what would actually get me to buy this supposed mountain-biker, hang-glider, base-jumper juice and you get back to me. Until then, if you want people to have a free Vault without a ridiculous offer tied into it, just Dew it. Meanwhile, I’ll be sipping an icy-cold Nuka-Cola, the soda that fights Communism. I’ll drink to that.
Oh, and if any of you do find the offer online anywhere, please let us know. Thanks!
A couple things:
1. I’m sorry dude but Surge was disgusting. And I believe it contained Yellow 5 as well. I may be wrong on that though.
2. You’ve got some really excellent soda rage.
I like Coke. But I’m not into Vault, Mountain Dew, Rocky Mountain, Big K Mountain Lightning, Sun Drop, Diet Sun Drop or Citrus Drop.
For more off-brand fun, check this out: http://ironleg.wordpress.com/2007/08/31/the-zen-of-off-brand-soda/
What ever…if you want a interesting drinking experience then try some chicha. It’s a latin american drink made of fermented rice. mmmm…rice.
It’s just one step shy of using the village-elders’s spit to ferment the concoction. Grow some (trucker) balls and drink some.