In This Economy?

I recently spent some time wondering what we would use as cash in a post apocalyptic wasteland. Obviously paper money would no longer have any value, and it’s just too hard to make change for gold bars. Many movies and videogames have given us answers like gasoline, water (hydro) and bottle caps.  So what’s the most recent answer coming straight at us from Wal-Mart?

Teeth.

Worth more than the average teeth.

That’s right: a Wal-Mart shopper in Falmouth, Massachusetts recently turned in a wallet to customer service that contained 10 human teeth, including one with a filling. Now I could make the obvious Foul Mouth (Falmouth) joke here, but I believe we have a serious problem brewing. Someone has been reading the papers and watching the news with so much fear for the future that they have actually started preparing to live in a wasteland version of the world – complete with leather-clad road warriors, giant mutant cockroaches, radioactive snow and a distinct lack of solid banking options. This ultra-worried, nay, ultra-prepared person is ready to corner the market on what he believes is our next, and soon to be only currency, human teeth.

After consulting some of my nerdiest, sci-fi loving friends, the money breaks down like this: Two teeth equal one pack of cigarettes. Four teeth for a gallon of the precious juice (petroleum or water depending on your location). Ten teeth may be enough to buy you a child/trained monkey. And the tooth with a crown is actually worth 16 regular teeth. This foolish customer turned in a veritable gold (filling) mine. I wouldn’t be surprised if grandparents and hockey players all over the country wake up tomorrow to find their dentures missing. With AIG throwing our money down the tubes $60 billion at a time and the dollar falling against other countries every week, it’s time to bite back with a currency that is not controlled by the government.

You can train your monkey for good...or evil.

Tags: AIG, apocalypse, gasoline, gold, grill, monkey, teeth, wasteland

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 4th, 2009 at 3:35 PM and is filed under WTF. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.